#but this is by far the funniest thing he’s collected

[gemstarstarlight]

@chilikit I want you to imagine with me, briefly, a scenario that in specifics is unique, but in generalities have happened perhaps hundreds of times.

It is 2009, and Christmas is coming up. While a big deal for most people, for the family of a Worship Pastor in a Very Large evangelical church in an urban fashionable metropolis, Christmas is the Biggest Deal, possibly bigger than Easter (God help us Easter is only a few months away, and right by Daylight Savings Time too!).

Think Theater Production Big Deal: planning months in advance, trendy styles and fancy art experiments (one year we even had a piano covered in little glass pieces, so when the stage lights hit it at a specific moment, the piano would reflect the lights all over the room and be Super Glittery and Cool), and tech rehearsals upon tech rehearsals. Around Christmas we usually didn't see Dad except when he was on stage.

I am 10 years old, and worship my father, so even though it is getting close to my bedtime I am waiting for Dad to come home from tech rehearsal.

And Dad does open the front door--but he has a plastic bag in one hand and a sheepish expression on his face. He gives me a hug, but looks over my head and says to Mom, "Honey, I need to show you something."

They go into their room. A moment later, I hear Mom burst out laughing. My mother is not a particularly expressive woman, so I have already learned by now that if Mom finds something funny, then I have to find out what happened. So I go to their room and knock on the door. I find my dad in the middle of putting something back into the bag while my mom is sitting on the bed, shaking her head at him.

"What happened?" I ask.

Dad is not one to get embarrassed, but as he pulls the article of clothing out of the bag and my mom starts laughing again, I can understand why he was this time.

Apparently that day Dad had realized that, while he did have the required black overcoat, he did not have a green plaid Christmas-y shirt. This was a problem, as that was the dress code; tech and dress rehearsals were that week. Specifically, a mandatory dress rehearsal was scheduled that very evening.

One that my dad was leading and performing several songs in.

It wouldn't do to set a bad example.

So, right before the rehearsal, Dad went shopping for a green flannel. He happened to duck into a thrift shop: the kind of second hand shop that has astonishingly low prices, but no returns. As Dad was browsing through the men's jackets, he discovered a green and black flannel. It fit perfectly, was in good condition, and even was my dad's cool-yet-vintage style! Dad bought in on the spot, threw it on under his overcoat, and ran to tech rehearsal.

It wasn’t until he took off his overcoat during a break between runs that a kind friend of his noticed, pulled him aside, and pointed out the MASSIVE SKULL printed on the back of the flannel. It covered the entirety of his back, was a noxious shade of green reminiscent of witch's brew, and was smoking a cigarette.

"But how come you didn't notice?" I ask, baffled. Even at 10 years old, I should not have asked this question, because even then I had some idea of what I was capable of. But I was young and undiagnosed and had no idea what ADHD was, much less that it was genetic.

"I don't know. I just didn't." My dad shrugs. He is no longer at tech rehearsal, where he had to wear the overcoat at all times even when he wasn’t on stage, so he’s more amused than embarrassed now.

Mom puts her head in her hands. She full-named him, but for privacy's sake I will translate what she said as,

"Dearest husband, why are you like this?"

And what about it

[amoristt]

closer

「 ✦ thanos / reader / nam-gyu ✦ 」 tags: smut MDNI // afab! reader, DP, mild drxg use, like super mild, no plot lol, light coercion but reader is into it

a/n: when is it my turn im barkingggg i want them so bad theyre gonna have to burn me off w a lighter the way im biting word count: 9.5

・❥・Never in your life had you felt so grateful for something as simple as lukewarm water. Fuck, any water at all that wasn’t ice cold felt like a luxury- your palms collecting the clear liquid before tossing it up to your face. The splashes only offer so much, it’s awkward to bend over the sink to wash yourself, but it’s better than nothing given there don’t seem to be any readily available showers. 

Paper towels make shitty loofahs. The hand soap isn’t exactly your favorite fragrance ever. Your tracksuit and t-shirt are slung over a stalls door, and you’re craning your entire spine forward just to wash your upper half. The last game had been so strenuous- you were sure you absolutely reeked. 

Man, you miss your shower. If you make it home, you’re going to spend most of the rest of your life under as hot of water as you could get, you think. The ultimate pick-me-up.

Speaking of pick-me-up’s, you wonder if Thanos's would be a kind enough soul to let you bum off some more of this muscle relaxants. You had no idea what the things were, but holy shit, did it knock you off your ass the last time. It was like being made entirely of lead. Every time you shifted positions, you fell into an even comfier spot, the thin mattresses offered to you suddenly about as comfortable as a kings. 

You could use some good sleep right about now. Sore, exhausted, and more high-strung than you cared to admit. Thanos and Nam-gyu were always entertaining enough to take some of the edge off. Even when your lives were on the line, they made it hard to take anything too serious at all at all. Or maybe that was the drugs- either way, you were appreciative of their company. Who better to hang around with than friends, right? Long before the games, before you all became a trio of sorts, you’d met them both a handful of times, only when your friend groups would clash because a few people knew a few people who knew a few people. 

Thanos was always the center of attention, but he was never outright unkind to you. Notably, he was always particularly focused on you when you were in a giggly mood. You would laugh at all his jokes, even the shitty ones, with a drink in hand. He ate it up- worked overtime to keep you around- you made him feel like he was the funniest man alive. 

Nam-gyu worked at the club you both frequented at and he came to be as equally as interested in your friend. He hung around your table, they chatted endlessly on about some online currency thing most times, and you’d zone out all too easily. Other times, your favorite times, Nam-gyu would sneak you all into a private lounge and share some of his spoils he’d come across. They took drugs like water, you always chose the bottle, instead. 

Friday’s would blur into sunday evenings before you could even really get a grapple on what was going on. You’d wake up in hotel rooms with them both strewn about, sleeping in all sorts of positions. It was fun. It was really fun, in a wreckless, manic type of way. You never understood why they kept you around, but you didn’t question it, either. Why question when you could just enjoy. Why question when you could just enjoy?

When you’d found them among the crowd on day one, it was like the planets had realigned. Actually, you hadn’t even been the first to notice. You just heard your name shouted over the crowd and suddenly someone was slamming into you hard enough to knock the air from your lungs. A blur of purple hair and green tracksuits. 

You aren’t sure you’d have made it as far as you had if not for your buddies. You try not to think about it too much- you’d hate to ruin your own vibe as lives come to end all around you. It was the first time you’d ever taken something from Thanos- a muscle relaxant that really took the anxieties away. 

Dipping your head into the sink and rinsing your face once more, you don’t bother looking up when you hear the door push open and then click shut. You’re too focused on how the water is warm enough, and you don’t stink to the high heavens any longer. 

A man’s voice cuts through the silence, echoes off the tile walls. 

“Woah.” 

You rip your head from the sink so fast it almost nails the faucet on your way up, alarm flashing through you, arms coming to cover your chest only clad in your bra. When you manage to process the not only one, but two men standing before you, you feel anger bubbling in your chest. 

Low and behold, speak of the devils. 

“What the fuck!” You hiss, tightening your arms around your chest. 

Thanos’s hands are tucked into his pockets casually, and he looks around the bathroom with his brows raised, like he wasn’t sure what to expect out of the women's bathroom. Nam-gyu tails him but passes by after offering you a snarky grin. In your relief that you knew the two souls invading your space, you almost forgot the fact that you were naked from the waist up. 

“You seriously scared the hell out of me.”

“Sorry,” Thanos hummed, putting his hands up to his chest mockingly. He moves like he’s light on air, but his eyes never leave you. 

You turn on your heel and grab your shirt from its spot over the stall door, throwing it on quickly. In the mirror, you don’t miss the way Thanos’s eyes drink you in, but you do miss the way Nam-gyu is almost seeming to scout the girls room, checking under the doors and pushing stalls open. 

“What are you guys doing in here? Aren’t you worried about getting in trouble.”

Thanos scoffs. “Trouble. It was crazy boring out there.”

Nam-gyu sighs dramatically, snaking up beside the taller male. “And you’ve been in here forever. We thought maybe something happened to our buddy.”

You actually laugh at that. He’s said that before- and this isn’t the first time your friends have barged into the women's bathroom in search of you. Usually at clubs, they’d be pushed and shoved out by other women, but right now there’s no one to chastise them for being irritants. 

“My heroes. I’m definitely doing fine. Buuut…” You trail off in a hum, eyeing your purple haired friend. He raises a brow again. “You got more of what you had me take? Not the crazy shit, obviously, whatever the white one was from the other night.”

“Why? You stressed?” He rocks back and forth on his heels, shoving his hands into his pockets. You can’t help but stare at him, incredulous. 

“Yeah, I’m stressed. All this game shit is starting to get under my skin.”

“Yo, you’re not voting no are you?” Gam-gyu is already touching you. So clingy, all the time, thin fingers petting and pressing on your shoulders any chance he could get. At any point it seemed like he was tugging on you from somewhere. 

“No, I’m just saying I could use some relief.”

He slips behind you, hands on your shoulders. Your friends are trading looks that you can’t quite place, this unspoken vibe that you’re clearly not tuned into. Something thicker settles between all three of you, as does your confusion. They were up to something- you knew it. You knew them like the back of your hand. 

Thanos is jostling the necklace around to sort through all the colors. Eventually he settles on one and he hands it over. The entire time he’s searching for it, Nam-gyu is still standing along your back, the heat of him palpable. Consistent. He’s always exuded heat like a furnace.

Thanos pulls his necklace from his shirt and pops the cross shaped case open. Plucking out a small white pill, he eyes it before flashing it in your vision. You brighten up at the sight, but he’s quick to take a step back when you reach out. 

“What is it?”

“Hm… I’m just thinking. You know, I give you a couple of these, but what do I get in return?” 

That stops you, your eyes narrowing just enough to notice, subtle suspicion settling over your features. 

“Uh… What do you want, I guess…?”

Thanos eyes glance around the room as he thinks, before they settle on you. They’re different. A bit darker, a flame of mischievousness to those irises. Not a look you’ve never seen before, but certainly not a look you expected to be directed at you of all people. 

“How about… a kiss.”

There you go, laughing again. Now that was certainly a first. When you have your little giggle and straighten back up, you see that Thanos doesn’t find his request even slightly as funny as you do. He’s staring at you with his expression of expectancy, so much so that it makes you raise a brow. 

“For real?”

He jingles his necklace, the pills rattling around audibly. There’s no way he’s serious. But he looks serious. He was a flirt to his very core, you knew that a fact to be true, but ever since you’d left the ‘cutie in his friend group’ category and slipped into the boundaries of being his genuine friend, he hadn’t made any advances. 

Maybe this was some sort of test, because he’s still not budging. If he is serious, well… You can’t exactly say you’d mind a little peck. He was handsome- they both were. With cool, untouchable attitudes to match. Fun, fun, fun, and the rare times they had to look out for you, they were as reliable as concrete. 

If you hadn’t developed such a bond with them- not quite something like siblings, but not of lesser importance either, you’d have been all over the idea. Now you have to put thought into it, tread more carefully than you’d like. 

You decide, though, fuck it. If he’s to be the fisher, then suppose you’ll be the fish that bites.

“Sure. Why not.”

They both trade looks again. Quick, only in a flash, but you catch it. Nam-gyu’s thumbs rub circles into your skin through the thin fabric of your t-shirt and for some reason it makes your breath catch in your chest. There’s a strange energy about them. Something charged, determined. Every move is calculated with some end goal in their minds. 

“Here.” 

A strange pang of disappointment rings through you, though, when Thanos plants the little pill in your palm- you had kinda hoped he’d kiss you, after all. But oh well. You knew he was just clowning around- he always was. You always had turned his meaningless flirts down, maybe he was trying to see what you’d do in the name of drugs, or something like that. You feel prickly heat on your cheeks- embarrassment. 

You wish you had turned him down now, too, kind of feeling like an idiot. 

The pill is just as bitter on your tongue now as it had been the first time, a grimace playing over your lips as the texture bursts into a gritty chalk-like powder dancing over your tastebuds. You had about five minutes before it’d start kicking in. 

“Jesus, that taste is so fucking na-”

You’re cut off by Thanos pressing his lips firmly against your own. It’s sudden, it’s intrusive. His hand is firmly cupping your jaw and the other is resting on the pulse of your neck. It pushes you back against Nam-gyu roughly, and his hands come to grasp at your forearms from behind you, continuing to rub circles into your skin. Your own hands come up instinctively, planting on Thanos’s shoulders. 

There’s heat flooding your cheeks, heat flooding down to your chest and out to your ears. Worsened, a flame so fiery hot it scorches, when Thanos tilts his head to deepen the kiss even further, his hands keeping you flush against him. Nam-gyu’s sliding his hands from your arms down to the curve of your waist, feeling the shape of you through your t-shirt. You shiver, electricity rippling up and down your spine in body shivering shudders. 

When Thanos splits from you, your mind reeling, there’s fingers replacing his grip on your jaw almost immediately, making you face over your shoulder. Another set of lips overtake yours, tongue lapping into your parted lips, pushy and demanding. Thanos’s kiss wasn't especially apprehensive, but it wasn’t like this. Nam-gyu kisses you like he owns you, fervent and sloppy and noisy.

There’s a string of spit bridging you when he pulls away, watches you gape at him, breathless and flushed. You’re stammering, unsure of what to say next. 

“What- what the fuck-”

“You are so beautiful.” Thanos interrupts again you by running a hand through your hair, nails gently scratching along your scalp. It’s not the first time he’s ever said it, but there’s something different now. Passionate. Like he really means it this time, and not some off-handed flirt that was easy to swat away. 

You’re blushing a raging red, your heart pounding in your chest- you don’t know what to do with your hands anymore. He takes them for you in his own, long fingers stroking over your knuckles before he dragged your right hand up to his lips and places kisses along your knuckles. Over the top, up your wrist. Up to your forearm and then only stopping when your t-shirt blocked away your smooth skin. Nam-gyu brushes hair from your neck and buries his face into the cradle of you, breathes you in, his hands still squeezing gently on your hips. 

“What’s going on…?” You chirp, eyes falling half lidded.

“You tell us.” Nam-gyu murmurs against you, hot breath ghosting over your skin, and you shiver in, you realize, pure delight. You feel a weight start to settle in your cheeks, your head starting to feel just a little bit heavier than before to hold up on your neck. 

The drugs are kicking in just in time, your shoulders slumping, a content sigh leaving your lips. Opening yourself up to them, head lolling to the side to give Nam-gyu more of your collar. He takes, greedy, excited, and presses a smile into your jugular. 

This was calculated. This was planned. And fuck, it’s working. 

“I don’t know.” You say. But you do know. And you know you’re clearly enjoying it- already wet between your legs and feeling the roll of anticipation settle in your belly. 

The anxieties start to ebb away, and Thanos is watching your every micro expression with blown pupils. You watch him from under your thick lashes, lips swollen, your breath leaving you in shallow pants. It beckons him, draws him in for another kiss. 

Thanos is the one who finally decides to stop beating around the bush. He breaks your second kiss to touch your face, one hand caressing down your cheeks, the other brushing stray strands of hair away from your eyes. He’s beautiful- he’s always been beautiful. 

“You want more?”

You swallow. “Drugs? Or…”

He traces his thumb over your lower lip. “...Or.”

Yes, you do. Fuck yes. But for some reason you can’t say it outloud- this weird, nagging feeling that surely comes from some insecurities buried among the skeletons in your closet, that this is all some cruel prank. That if you say yes, really give in to them, they’ll leave you high and dry, laughing all the way back to their beds outside. You’d never live it down. It would change everything. 

“...Are you being serious…?” You have to ask, even if you’re so wet it’s uncomfortable, clenching on nothing when strikes of need course through you. 

There is no laughter. Just excited, aroused breathing all around in the silence. Nam-gyu squeezes you once more, fingers pressing into your skin through your clothes that are suddenly much, much too warm to be under. 

“Seriously.” Thanos murmurs, and then he finds your lips again. Kisses exhilaration into you like a drug of its very own. You let him in, lean forward and hum a sweet little sound into his mouth. He pulls back again, and there’s those expectant eyes again. He’s being genuine, they both are, their hands and their eyes and their mouths unable to leave you for even a moment. 

“Let’s have some fun, yeah?” Nam-gyu breathes, and you shiver. His fingers dip below the thin fabric of your t-shirt, barely brushing his calloused fingers over your skin, and it’s enough to light you up with goosebumps and desire. You can feel your heartbeat throughout your entire body now, from your head all the way down to your aching cunt. 

Yeah. Let’s have some fun. 

The moment you nod, it’s the green light they’d been waiting for- hoping for. 

Your shirt is gone in a matter of seconds, Thanos making quick work to pull it over your head and toss it over the wall of the nearest stall. Before you even get the chance to cover yourself, exposed in the bathroom before them all over again, you’re being walked backwards, pushed gently by the front when Thanos kisses you fervently- like he can’t get enough of you. Like everytime he breaks away he’s just waiting for his chance to find your lips again. You’re sore with him, kiss-drunk and willing. The world disappears behind the stall, and all else disappears except for them. 

Nam-gyu backs up to the wall, keeps you in front of him, sandwiched between their bodies. His hand slips under your bra and he kneads your breast with one hand, the other wrapping around your waist, keeping you pinned against his warm, warm body. When his thumb flicks over your nipple, you jump with a sharp gasp. Thanos groans an equally as delighted sound against you, doesn’t let up, doesn’t give you the chance to have second thoughts. 

Gentle pinches and tugs make you whimper, forced to break Thanos’s kiss when you’re overwhelmed with the need for air. You suck in greedy breaths, a sound that raises into a high keen when there’s suddenly pressure flattened right where you needed it between your legs. Thanos’s palm is grinding against your sex through your sweats, your hands clutching against his jacket in need of purchase. 

“I knew you’d sound cute.” Nam-gyu harps, grinning into your hair. 

You wonder when they’d planned this. Initially you had figured it was a fuck it, why not scenario- after all, tomorrow wasn’t guaranteed. But the little comments like that, like this was something they’d thought about before, tells you otherwise. It makes you even hotter. Fuck, if you had known, you would have been on it. Especially if it felt like this. 

Your head tips back, resting against Nam-gyu’s shoulder, and he makes quick work of nipping at your throat. Thanos is all kisses, but you’re finding the other male is mostly teeth, biting and grazing along the sensitive flesh of your neck. Thanos adds just a bit of pressure, just enough to make you moan again, the sound like music to their waiting ears. You’re quickly dissolving into a squirming mess of sultry cries and ember-hot skin. 

Your bra is next up on the chopping block. It’s actually shocking it’s taken this long, Nam-gyu growing impatient with the idea of touching, but not seeing. When it’s pulled away, the cold air meets you, makes you shiver, exposed. Now it’s getting real- you’re entirely bare from the waist up, panting in front of them like a present begging to be unwrapped. 

“So fucking hot,” Thanos coos, feeling you, bouncing between catching your sensitive nipples in his fingers and easing his palm against your sex. You need more- you’re so wet you’re sure he can feel it through your clothes, now, hips rocking, begging for more. He drops to his knees in front of you.

“Woah-” You clam up, tensing, and Nam-gyu lifts his head so he could see what your sudden fuss was about. Thanos freezes, his fingers caught and hooking over your sweats. You swallow hard and squirm. “I mean- You don’t have to do that.”

“You don’t… Want me to?” He’s actually taken aback that you’re stopping him, clearly worried about cold feet coming into the picture. You stammer again.

“Well-, Not like, I don’t want you to, but that’s… I don’t know.”

He leans back on his heels, tilting his head. “So you do want me to.”

You’re under the spotlight, frozen, floundering. They’re exchanging glances from over your shoulder. Fuck- you don’t want this to stop but you’re nervous at the thought of him eating you out. You force out, “I-I just- I’m embarrassed.”

Thanos gapes at you. “Embarrassed?”

You can’t bear to look at him in the eyes anymore, nerves getting the better of you. 

Fuck, you want more drugs. Anything to get away from this random bout of insecurities that seemed to jump you out of the blue. Or maybe it was the sobering reality that was your good, good friend about to be face to face with your cunt. 

Nam-gyu drags his hands along your sides, makes you shiver, before they settle on your breasts again. He grasps you, rolls your sensitive buds between his fingers. He’s trying to break you out of your funk, you know it, and it’s starting to work. Reminding you how good this feels, how they’ve been all over you like drooling hounds to scent from the moment you’d invited them into yourself. 

“Don’t be shy, c’mon.” He whispers in your ear. You’re inclined to listen, even if it takes a few extra beats of silence. 

“Okay.”

Thanos’s eyes light up. He leans forward. “Okay?”

“Okay.”

He’s quick to drag your pants down, takes great care to bring your underwear with them, into a pool around your ankles before tugging them away all together. When you lift your left leg to step out, he catches you by the thigh and hikes it over his shoulder, your other leg supporting your weight. You’re spread open and he’s eyeing your sex like a wolf eyes a cornered rabbit. Hungry, primal. He doesn't let you develop those worries this time, wastes no time before butting his tongue up against your slit and licking a broad, deep stripe. 

A high, blissful sound escapes your lips. Something like a mewl, but from somewhere deep in your chest. It’s lewd, it’s downright pornographic, and it’s making Nam-gyu groan into your neck while Thanos’s eyes slip shut. Every lick makes you jump, every prod of his tongue against your lonely clit a cause for squirming. If Nam-gyu’s arm wasn’t wrapped around your waist, crushing you against him, you would have crumbled into a heaping mess. 

“God, you’re such a fucking babe.” He murmurs in your ear, a taunt to his tone. “You’ve wanted this bad, huh?”

You did want it. You wanted it so bad that you’re already dripping with your own slick, Thanos devours you like the finest of fruit. He’s ravenous, hungry, sucking on your clit and spreading you open with his fingers until all you can do is wheeze out sharp cries. You can’t do anything to slow him down, urge him deeper, stuck in place and expected to do nothing else but let them have you. 

“Look at that,” Nam-gyu’s voice again in your ear, you can hear his grin. “You're soaking his face already.”

It’s too much. You can’t lock eyes with him- you can barely even stand the sight of him buried between your legs on its own, let alone locking eyes when he's making all these obscene, salacious sounds, drunk on your slick. But then the male behind you grabs your chin and he makes you look and he whispers dirty, downright bawdy things in your ear that make you shake in his unrelenting grip.

When Thanos’s eyes flick up to find yours, you whine and bury your hand in his hair. He moans against you, letting his eyes fall shut again, reveling in the way you tugged and clawed. You’re covered by them, covered by hands and kisses, losing any and all sense of prudence. These wanton, needy sounds are slipping past your lips and you can’t seem to stop them. It’s all so good, pleasure from every angle. 

Your orgasm is quiet, but it rocks you to your very core. This rippling, climbing tantamount of pleasure that bursts into fiery roars of euphoria fluttering under your skin. Head tossed back against Nam-gyu’s shoulder, scrabbling for purchase on his arm around your waist, you cum and cum and cum until it feels like you’re never going to find your way back down. 

If you’d been soaked before, you were downright drenched now, and Thanos couldn’t have been happier. He’s greedy, clutches your twitching hips so you can’t jump away from his mouth when he drinks you in until you’re writhing to get away from it. When he finally pulls away, he laps another wet kiss onto your clit for good measure, and then another for the road. And then one more, one more just for good luck. 

“Holy shit,” Nam-gyu chuckles against your hair. “Fuck, that was so hot.”

Thanos kisses up from your thighs to your abdomen, up to your breasts, where he finds his mouth busy once more latching onto a nipple and earning another bout of whimpers. You lurch back, wiggly and restless, but you can’t go anywhere else. You’re trapped, cornered. It’s perfect.

You’re suddenly hoisted into the air, hands gripping into your thighs and ass. Your back presses weight against Nam-gyu’s front, and instinctively, you wrap your legs around Thanos’s waist for support. They’ve got you sandwiched in between their bodies even more now, your weight entirely supported by their grasps, the soft fabric of their tracksuits brushing against you with every shift. Occasionally, there’s a sharp chill of cold along your back, the zipper brushing against your heated skin. 

There’s a quiet, rustling of fabric that reaches your ears over the incessant pounding of your heart rate, and when you look, you feel your stomach roll. Thanos is shimmying his pants down to his mid thighs, and you watch with eager eyes as his cock springs free from its confines. His tip is red and angry with need, precum glistening under the overhead light. It makes you clench of nothing, suddenly realizing how empty you feel, how he could fill you up so perfectly. 

When he settles between your legs again, he tests the waters, drags his tip along your slit, knocking it against your clit. You jerk your hips against him, trying to urge him in without outright telling him. He’s a good listener- doesn't make you wait and agonize, doesn't even make you beg for it. Just lines his shaft up with your entrance and lets out a shaky, eager breath. He doesn’t wait for an okay. He doesn’t need one. Not when you’re driving your heel into his lower back and biting at your lip in anticipation. 

You’re so drenched that he’s inside of you all the way to the hilt in one move. You go from uncomfortably empty to suddenly bracing the impalement, your walls fluttering and sucking him in, drawing these deep guttural groans from both of your throats. His hands are squeezing your ass, nails barely catching the skin. He certainly feels thicker than he looks, snug inside of your gummy walls. 

“Damn,” English meets your ears, low and sultry as you wrap your arms around his neck. “So fucking wet.”

“Take her.” Nam-gyu says, and before you know it, your weight has shifted onto Thanos almost entirely. The arm wrapped tightly around your abdomen slithers away, and then you feel it. The unmistakable, undeniable feeling of Nam-gyu’s erection pressing flush to your occupied slit. He’s so hard it must hurt, breathing heavy against your neck, a fever growing within him. And he’s bigger- you can tell, thicker. Thanos’s cock twitched inside of you, reminds you that you already feel full. You still, the sudden dawning realization that they’re both going to take you temporarily yanking you from your haze of euphoria. 

“You gonna be able to take it?” Thanos can sense the change in you. He always does, his eyes seem to never leave you. 

You can’t bring yourself to answer, because quite honestly, you don’t know. You don’t know if you could house both of their swollen cocks within the confines of your cunt. You’re trying to even your breathing, to relax around him, but it’s hard when Nam-gyu knocks his length along your sex once again. He’s trying to wait- but patience has never been one of his virtues. But he does it for you, does it because he wants this more than anything in his entire life. And he wants it done right. 

Thanos rocks himself into you, sets you alight once more, lighting little sparks behind your eyelids. Reminding you, again, that they’re going to take care of you. Chirping, mewling little sounds pass your lips every time he does, spurs them both on, especially Nam-gyu, who butts his cock up against your slit one more time before he presses inside with a hiss. 

It’s an impossibly tight fit. Your chest heaves, your body tenses, your heart is beating so rapidly you’re afraid it may burst any time now. There’s hands all over you, soothing you, toying with you, rubbing circles into your clit and catching your nipples between the pads of their fingers. The first inch of Nam-gyu manages a path inside your pussy. You tense with every fiber of your being, this searing, rippling burn forcing you to toss your head back with a dying yelp on your lips. It hurts- it hurts more than you thought it would, and you knew with certainty you’d be struggling. He won’t fit- he can’t fit, there’s no way the size of you could accommodate them both. But he continues anyway, forces another inch inside of you. 

The stretch is unbelievable. You can’t cope 

There’s hands petting down your hair, lips on your cheek, trying to kiss and lick and sooth you. 

“Quiet, it’s okay.” Your ears are swimming, you can barely hear Thanos’s voice over the crashing waves beating along your eardrums. You whimper a pitiful noise- one that makes him shift your weight onto Nam-gyu’s iron grip. Your eyes are screwed shut so tight you’re unsure if they'll ever open again. Something pokes against your lips- fingers, you realize, slipping inside your warm mouth and dragging along your tongue. You’re so lost, swirling, you just let them explore you.

“You’re so pretty, baby, let me help you.” He hums, and that reaches you just fine. Another wave of red hot blush creeps over your cheeks as if having both of their cocks jointed in the cavern of your cunt wasn’t enough before. Chest swelling, leaning into his fingers collecting your drool and prying your mouth open for him, like an obedient dog. 

A bitter, sharp taste explodes over your tongue. 

Try as you might to rip your head back, retching, Nam-gyu’s holding you up so Thanos’s other hand has got you by the back of your head and he’s shoving that terrible taste to the very back of your throat until you're gagging it down. His voice is so sweet in your ears, sickly so, faux honey tipped words that reach you in cooing there you go’s. 

“How much-” You gag with the taste of the pill still drifting down into your stomach. “How much was that?”

“Don’t worry about it. I got you.” And his broad hands are back onto your body, supporting and dragging you against him, burying his face in your neck, lapping the smooth skin there. 

You trust him. You trust both of them, even when they give you every reason not to. And so, let them handle it all for you. To take care of you. In return they ravage you, take and pull anything they can get their hands on, stuck somewhere between treating you like the finest of china

 whilst simultaneously brutalizing you at every turn. This precious, pliable, breakable, but oh so usable thing at their very fingertips. 

At the very least, Nam-gyu hasn’t continued trying to bulldoze his swollen cock into you, not yet. He’s giving you the chance to relax, to let him have you. 

This round of drugs takes as quick of effect as the first, and you can feel it starting in your back before all else, this overtaking, tranquilizing sooth that works to pacify your tense muscles. It spreads to your face, your arms, your thighs and your legs, like a flood slowly rising until you’re soggy and heavy in their arms. Your head lolls forward on your shoulders, your brain grows foggier by the second. Their heartbeats are in tandem- or perhaps, it’s just your own, pulsating through every nerve in your being. 

The drugs are helping, you think, or you really are starting to enjoy the way you’re being lanced in two. It’s hard to think at all anymore, all you can really do is feel and pant and try not to cry anymore than you already have. As the seconds tick by, you’re still lucid enough to know a glaring fact- they’re going to gut you with this. But you’re starting to lose the ability to care and you aren’t sure if that’s entirely a good thing or not. 

In that moment, however, it was bliss. Painful and scorching, but all euphoric consuming bliss. 

There isn’t enough space for them between your legs, but they carve it out anyways, shape and mold you around their cocks. Nam-gyu pushes in again, and you wrench around them, gasping out high noises in the back of your throat. He stills- there isn’t enough room like this. Even being so soaked that there’s this audible, obscene wentess to your cunt as he makes his way inside, there’s simply not enough room. Not with Thanos already buried so tightly inside of you, snug and occupying. Your fingers grip anywhere they can get- their arms, their shoulders, desperate for something to cling to in your woes. 

“I don’t think she can-” Nam-gyu groans when you squeeze around them mid sentence, and even with just half of his length sheathed inside of you, it’s fucking tight. He can’t even move, letting his forehead fall onto your shoulder. “M’ not gonna fit.”

Your weight is tossed back to Nam-gyu, your head tipping back, and he kisses your cheek again, breathes hot pants against your trembling skin. Thanos shifts inside of you, just enough to draw out urgent moans from all three of your throats. He’s so snug inside of you that it’s almost seamless, you can’t tell where he begins, where you end. That felt fucking good, whatever he had done. Your walls flutter around them, clenching, sucking them both in despite your qualms. Thanos resettles his grip, the weight redistributed. 

“Just-” His voice is strained, coming out in quick huffs. “Just do it.” Thanos ducks his head to find your eyeline, this pseudo, eager concern on his knit brows and pleading eyes. “You can take it, right?”

All you can do is nod, even though you’re still sure that this will kill you.

Nam-gyu jumps you just a bit, hoists you up just an inch or so higher so he could get a better grip on around your waist while his other arm snakes up your face so he could touch your face. Small tears are biting at your waterlines, you’re weightless and heavy all at once, on fire from the very core of your being, terrorizing you from the inside out. He kisses your cheek again before his palm finds your chin. 

“Don’t scream, don’t scream.” He covers your mouth, stifles all your frantic little noises, in preparation for what came next. 

In one single thrust, he bottoms out inside of you. You do scream- a high wail against his palm that still echoes off the stall walls even muffled. Fire spears you, you’re wrenching around them as if it’s going to help ease the flame. You go nowhere. You can do nothing except cry into his hand and accommodate them. There’s no other choice.

Buried to the very base of his cock, Nam-gyu’s groaning against the back of your head, a hiss dying on his lips every time you squirm and vice around them. Thanos mirrors him, grunting at the friction, the unbelievable feeling of being stuffed into something so warm and so soft. You’re so full- you’re too full, filled to the very brim, wall to wall, crevice to crevice. Stuffed so deeply you can feel them in your fucking throat. 

“It’s okay, you’re alright.” Frantic english meets you but you can barely register it. Nam-gyu’s hand leaves your lips, and the moment cool air meets your lips, you’re choking out sobs somewhere between erotic pleasure in its rawest form and the genuine pain of feeling as though you were being ripped in two. You’re struggling, tensing in all the wrong places. They’re heavy inside of you, both of their intrusive beings splitting you in half. Taking you, ruining you. All the while your walls are putting in the work, clamping down, rolling waves of squeezes that have them struggling to focus. A vice so wet and plush that it truly does seem like you were built for this- built to take them, painfully for not. 

Thanos is trying to keep you at bay, trying to pet down your face and ease those lines in your expression brought on agonizing, brutal pleasure. 

“Fucking- so fucking tight,” Nam-gyu, however, isn’t trying. Not at all. “Holy shit, baby, can’t even breathe-“

Since the very beginning he’s been desperate to have you on his cock, waiting for the moment he could sink into your heat long before you’d let them kiss and lick and bite you, corner you, feel your soft skin underneath all those dreadful clothes. Long before he followed Thanos into the women's room, and long before the games were even a thought at all. And now that he’s finally got you, he’s out of his mind with it. He’s ramrod straight and terribly hard, damn near pulsating inside of you, crushing you against his chest. The hand that was once stifling you is now gripping marks into the flesh of your under thigh- but you’re slipping, just barely. Just enough for him to have to jump his hips to have you properly held in his grip. It rips a cry from you, the burn clawing and tearing from within all over again. 

There’s not enough space. They’re killing you. 

“Take it easy, this is a lot.” Thanos’s brows are knit, he adjusts himself and slips in just a little further. Such a small action but it sends riveting electricity up and down your spine. It’s enough to draw yet another whimper from your sore lips, and he coo’s at you, at least tries to act like he isn’t getting off on your pathetic noises. 

Their lust dark, greedy beasts, drooling and starved with prey backed into a corner fit for the taking. 

“I know, baby, I’m sorry,” Nam-gyu tries to sound like he’s apologetic but it falls flat in comparison. Mostly because you can feel him grinning, feel him tighten his grip. His breath is a quick ghost over the shell of your ear. “Taking it so well, though, fuck.”

“Oh god.” You’re crying again- not entirely out of pain. It’s overwhelming, they're all over you, their voices are swimming around the fishbowl of you skull and they sound so sweet but they’re devouring you whole and tearing you into bits. There’s another nudge inside of you that's making your stomach roll- you still can’t decide if this hurts too bad or it’s so fucking good that it’s almost blinding. The noise that leaves you certainly sounds pleased, however, and Nam-gyu groans in response, an instinctive carnal reply. 

“That’s it, that’s it. Feels good, right?” You can hear his smile in his words, your face is red hot with all the attention, and the tears, and the mind numbing rapture of it all. 

“We’ll take care of you baby, just-” Thanos hisses, struggling to get the words out. “Just say the word.”

You’ve got them teetering on the fine line of wanting and waiting, craving the slick and lushious feel of your walls writhing against their cocks, ready to take you and break you and fuck you. Thanos tries to be patient, or at least act like he’s patient, but you can see how he’s grappling with it. You’re stuck, held fast in the chains of their arms and strong hands, and he knows he could just take you like this and you couldn’t stop him. But he wants to wait, he wants to hear you sing, and he wants to hear you cry and cum for him, and forcing you wasn’t the road to that destination. 

Something urged you to wrap your arms around his neck and drag him down for a kiss he’s all too eager for, clashing teeth and pressing into your mouth so intensely he’s pushing your head back against his friend's shoulder with the force of it. And while you’re distracted, scrambling to keep up with the ferocity of him, Nam-gyu decides to take a gamble. He rocks his hips just enough for you to feel that tight, tight pressure against your cervix where he lays. Pleasure lights up within you like a spark that soars from the very depths of your cunt all the way to the behinds of your eyes, and you constrict around them. 

This longing, aching keen leaves you and plants itself against Thanos’s lips, he's quick to grasp your jaw in his fingers and swallow the sound like fine wine. You hadn’t expected it to feel this good already, this glorious thrum of heaven that makes you arch and press into the feeling for more. Your walls are clutching, dragging them in, your brain is choosing to ignore the burn in favor of the racing pleasure vibrating through your core. 

Thanos breaks away from your kiss to lick up your neck, and you finally get the chance to whimper, please.

The beasts close in on their prey, snarling and snapping, catching its little body between their teeth. 

Thanos, with his face buried in your neck and his hands shaking as they clutchy you, draws back just far enough to kiss your stretched slit with the tip of his swollen head before he’s driving himself back inside of you. Fuck, you could scream all over again at the spread, but instead all that escapes you is hoarse cries. Nam-gyu presses his forehead against the back of your hair and breathes you in, readies himself. You don’t even get the full length of a second to prepare before you’re ravaged. 

He moves quick- hard, with the hiss of fuck on his lips. He’s been waiting and waiting and waiting and you’re so soaked around his cock that it’s dripping onto his legs, how could he ever stop himself from gripping you in his mighty claws and fucking you like an animal. He’s drawing himself to the tip and forcing his way back inside at a speed you can’t keep up with, and he’s making all these guttural lewd grunts into your ear that make you even wetter, somehow, even slicker. You’re sucking them in and constricting around their lengths like you’re trying to keep them buried within the confines of your body forever. 

“Oh my god,” Thanos is chirping out mixtures of english and korean, all words lost on you, his eyes slipping shut as he takes his time properly fucking you. He’s slower than Nam-gyu for sure, but the way he rocks his hips against you is making you squirm, toes curling, fingers grabbing hard into his tracksuit for some sort of desperate need of release. His cock is mapping you out, becoming familiar with every ridge and valley of your softness, seeking out the entirety of you and the perfect curve of his dick is hitting spots that have you barking out yips of ecstasy.

Nan-gyu changes his angle and you can’t take it. There isn’t a slow thing about him. He fucks you like he’s been dying for it, like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do, savage and wild, so fervent and profound that it’s making you see stars. He’s a little longer than Thanos- but only just a little, just enough for him to pound away at your cervix while you’re stuck folded and taut in his iron grip, damn near bouncing on his length. Wet squelches and the undeniable slap of skin on skin thicken the humidity between your bodies until it’s hard to breathe between the thickness and the rapid beat of pleasures sweeping through you in pulses. 

You’re crying out broken little sounds that either die in your throat or find their way lost in all the hazy noise and he’s echoing you, telling you dirty, dirty things in your flushed ears, how you’re so fucking tight, how perfect and wet you are for him. 

Someone- you can’t even figure out who anymore, finds your lonely clit under their fingers, rubbing quick and slick circles into the sensitive nub. Your thighs clamp down around Thanos’s waist but he’s too broad to offer any reprieve, your eyes slipping shut, head tossed back. It’s escapable- they’re inescapable, and their uneven tempos are making you see blank- a sheet of veneer white sparks you can feel with every pop. There’s no air left in your lungs, there’s so much pressure between your legs that you fear you may burst. 

There’s a certain moment when you’re right on the edge. This perfect moment when you’re right there and then you’re rolling through it in convulsing waves. All the stars align, the inferno stoking within you suddenly becomes this roaring wildfire swallowing you whole. You’re at that peak, focused on nothing but the endless stream of slurred words and the feeling of being stuffed to the very brim, no singular spot of your leaking pussy left abandoned. 

“You gonna’ cum?” Nam-gyu’s voice barely even registers with you when you first hear it. He’s still got you taking him in pistoning jerks of his hips, bullying himself into your poor, swollen sex. You don’t exactly try to nod, but the way you’re being pounded is making it all too easy to. Just a little more…

It’s not Nam-gyu pressing the pads of his fingers against your clit- no, his free hand is right back to grasping at your face, roughly flattening your hair back out of your face and keeping your expression on full display. Not quite pulling, but ensuring your head doesn’t leave its spot pressed against his shoulder. 

“That’s it, fuck, lemme’ see you cum.” You’re twisting in his grip, drooling and babbling please, please, please, and the fucker is laughing at you between carnal grunts. He’s hissing and groaning against your cheek like you’ve made him feral. 

“Come on, baby.” There’s another voice- Thanos’s, it’s reaching through the fog of lust and sultry cries, fishing you out of your own head and lulls you into a messy, heated kiss. You’ve gotten familiar with these lips now, familiar with the taste and the feel of his tongue slipping past your lips until you’re panting breathy cries against his taste buds. His fingers, you’ve realized, speed up their assault on your clit. 

Anything anyone says after that point is lost on you. 

If not for his lips on your own, you’d have outright screamed when you finally tipped over that edge. It’s everything, it’s everywhere. It’s in your eyes and your mouth, it’s in your toes and fingertips, it’s racing in colliding atoms up and down the length of your spine. 

The sheer shove and weight of their cocks pushing and grinding raw friction into you, impossibly deep, their grips holding you in place, you’re in a damn chokehold. Can see nothing, can hear nothing. Can only feel, and feel, and feel that pressure having snapped and unfurled into blooming pleasure that takes root within the very core of your being. 

You’re squeezing them, a torrent of slurry drenching and spilling around their shafts. Pulling, dragging, you’re clamping around them in pendulum pulses. It’s knocking the wind from their lungs, drawing out all the air in a slew of chest rumbling groans and teeth-whistling hisses. You’re delicious on it- blissed out and fucked and still being fucked with reckless abandon.

Nam-gyu bites and licks red into your neck, little specks turned into welts just above where your tracksuit collar reaches, the asshole. But he’s lucky- you’re so spent and raw and limp in their arms that you aren’t even registering it. That’s a problem for later, right now you’re too focused on how they’re both so damn heavy inside you, swollen intrusions that twitch for release everytime they drag along your plushy walls.

“Shit.” Thanos is gripping wounds into your thighs, hips stuttering, fighting his own release. You’re too warm, too perfect and tight around him, he doesn’t want this to end- not yet. Not when he’s got you just where he wants you. His head is falling on his shoulders, chest shaking with his stuttering breaths. “Slow down, slow down. Make it last.”

Nam-gyu listens. Kind of. For good measure he bucks up and slams himself as far as he’ll reach before he finally settles and breathes heavy pants against your collarbone. 

“Slow down, man, fuck.”

“Can't help it, feels so good.” Tongue lapping over your jaw, cruel laughter grazing your skin in huffs. “Look at you. You feel good, baby? Hm?”

You’re still reeling from your orgasm, still riding out the aftershocks. Some strangled whimper-like sound leaves you, he’s laughing at you again, finds everything you do something worth a reaction. He kisses the marks he’s littered on your throat. Shivering and trembling, you’re blitzing on the borderline of over and under stimulation while they’re suspended inside of you. There’s a sense within you, something filthy and needy, that’s so insatiable, unsatisfied until they’ve had their fill with you. Or, perhaps, until you’ve been properly filled with them. 

Thanos presses his forehead against yours. “See? I said we’d take care of you.”

“Feels- I’m-...” You’re breathing so hard it hurts. “I’m so full.”

Nam-gyu groans against your jaw. Your voice has this gravitational pull to him, like he leans on every word, or feels the primal need to meet you at the end of every noise you make. That same primal need also crosses him when you suddenly grind into him, feels the urge to find you halfway and kiss your cervix with the tip of his dick in a sharp buck. It rips a shrill sound from your throat, his tongue tasting the vibrations on your skin. Wet kisses dot your chin before they’re on the corner of your mouth, and then taking over your lips entirely. 

Nimble fingers pinch and knead your clit, sliding through your swollen folds before showering the sensitive nub with attention. Thanos doesn’t wait for any sort of confirmation from you, barely even waits to collect himself before it’s been entirely too long since he’s felt you moving against him. You run your fingers through his hair, feel him sigh against your collarbone, and then he’s dipping down to bite marks into your chest. It’s that same rhythm that drives you insane, nerves buzzing back to life following your earth-shattering orgasm.

Nam-gyu is still by choice for the first time since he’d entered you, something about the way your lips are moving against him keeping him locked in this trance. One of your hands finds it’s way from Thanos’s hair and into Nam-gyus, having to reach over your shoulder to clutch at the back of his black strands. It beckons him, draws him in deeper into the feeling. When he finally does start to move again, it’s different. Different pace, different angle, different sounds, even. Sensual and smooth, a slow drag inch by inch until he’s just buried by the tip, then rocking his hips until he’s pressing hard against your cervix all over again.

You’re trying to be still, trying to not heave out breathless sobs but Thanos is still rubbing you and it’s too much to take- Nam-gyu eats every sound funneled into his lips, tongue tangled with yours, unwilling to let you catch your breath. 

You don’t get even a second of reprieve, their rhythms mismatched but also perfectly timed, never a moment you aren’t full, wrecked with jolting twitches and shaking legs. At this point you’re just along for the ride, nothing but flesh and warmth and slick. A pound of meat  masticated and devoured between them.

Teeth find your left nipple, Thanos’s excited hum meeting your ears when you writhe in response. He speeds up, both his thrusts and his fingers, grunts against your breast and you start to feel it- that deep, deep simmer between your legs. A crescendo up, and up, and up within your belly that mounts alongside  the seconds. You’re so messy and wet that you’re feeling it run along the underside of your thighs, each movement accompanied by slapping skin and trilling moans. 

Up, and up. The pressure building until you’re arching your back and trying to squeal into Nam-gyu’s mouth that you’re right there, you’re gonna-

You seize up around them and wail. It rips through you, spears you like a lance, you aren’t sure how anything in this life could ever feel so good. How anything will ever feel this delicious again. 

Heaven is on earth, and it’s in your shaking hands and leaking pussy and shoved up inside you with their cocks. Surging pleasure washing through you and scrubbing you of everything else except the rut of their hips into yours. 

Nam-gyu cums first, manages to fuck you through you through your own, but no longer than that, growling into your mouth and biting your lips and your biting your jaw when he wrenches himself out of your cunt and paints the underside of your thigh with thick, pearly ropes of his cum. He’s shaking hard, and you’re sure you’re shaking harder, more akin to a leaf in a raging storm than a fellow human being. 

Thanos bites your shoulder. You’re absolutely covered in bites, in drool, in their sweet words lashing into your skin. He’s so close- you can feel him twitching inside of you, his cock pulsating before you feel the spread of his cum coating your walls. It’s thick, it’s red hot, and there’s so much of it that before he even pulls himself out of you it’s already dripping around him and onto the floor. Your head tips back, eyes half lidded, unfocused on the ceiling. 

You’re hollow. You're so empty that it's uncomfortable, carved out and built into their perfect mold. 

“Fucking dick. I pulled out.” Nam-gyu pants, irritated, but not on your behalf. No, irritated because he would have loved to see his own seed seep from your spent pussy and down your trembling thighs. 

When you’re set back down, you forget how to stand. Your knees buckle underneath you in an instant and you plummet, only stopped by Thanos’s arms suddenly hoisting you up from underneath your shoulders. He pulls you to him, your face rubbing drool into the chest of his tracksuit. The ‘O’ patch scratches your face but you can’t be damned to care. You’re too focused on wondering how the hell you’re supposed to walk at all after this- fucked out and completely drunk on sex. Useless and sore and swollen. 

You’re sticky, you’re sweaty, you’re fucking exhausted and barely managing to stay awake now that you’ve settled and the drugs are still in effect. Pretty soon now, when you’re able to stand upright without having someone supporting most of your weight, they’ll have to sneak back out of the room and saunter away to their beds. You’ll have to wash yourself off, again, and figure out how you’re going to get back to your little corner of the dormitory without limping. 

But for now, you just hum out a sound dripping in satisfaction. Your eyes are shutting, all the tensions and the nerves slipping away in the white noise. 

“I have to ask,” You slur. “How long have you guys been planning this.”

Thanos’s chest rumbles with his reply. “You don’t want to know.”

“You should have done it earlier. That was…” You start to laugh. It’s a drained, weary sound, but a laugh nonetheless. “Fuck. That was nice. I’ve wanted that.”

You can practically hear it when Nam-gyu shoots a wide-eyed glare at his friend. 

“I told you!”

[innerfare]

Random Shanks Headcanons 

Summary: A random collection of Shanks headcanons

CW: None // SFW

———

Has a fake arm that he uses for gags. Only he and Yasopp find it funny. Beckman once tossed the arm overboard after Shanks ‘lost’ the arm in a pot of Lucky Roux’s stew, only for Shanks to enter the mess hall the next morning with another attached to his body. 

Can do magic tricks, especially good with coins and cards. A very skilled sleight of hand artist. Also not above using these tricks to cheat while playing cards. (Inspired by the coin game w/ Luffy flashback). Cheating is the only way he can beat Beckman, who’s by far the best player on the crew. But he doesn’t even cheat to win, he just likes the thrill of getting away with it; also enjoys the thrill of getting caught. There was a rabbit loose aboard the Red Force for a solid month after the captain tried to learn how to pull it out of a hat.

The best beer pong player in the New World, probably the entire world. Would challenge all of his enemies to a game of beer pong to settle their disputes if he thought they would respect the results of the game. Good at drinking games in general (has a little too much experience).

Is an infamous gossip. If a member of the crew wants word to get out about something, they just mention it to their captain. 

Enjoys playing matchmaker. Always acts as a wingman for his crew when there’s a pretty bar maid. The only one he never tried to fix up with one of his crew mates was his darling Makino. 

Are soap operas a thing in the One Piece universe? Because if so, he has a favorite that he never misses an episode of (fights hardest on Thursdays so he can be home in time to catch the latest episode of Search for One Piece, a pirate drama based loosely on Roger’s life. He particularly enjoys the harlequin character). 

Loves meddling in any drama that comes up aboard the ship. Sometimes even starts drama just for entertainment, like the time he told Lucky Roux that he saw Limejuice sneaking steaks from the freezer, or when he robbed Beckman blind and left traces of a turkey leg at the scene of the crime. 

Thinks childish pranks are the funniest thing in the world. Pranks prospective crew members to see how they respond; screens them based on whether they find his jokes funny. Beckman insists this is not the best way to do things but Shanks persists. But Shanks isn't just being childish. He's making sure everyone who joins his crew has a good nature as that is, in his opinion, the most important thing. If you can't trust your crew, you're dead in the water.

Was definitely posing when the government snapped the photo for his wanted poster but pretends it was completely candid. Has a habit of comparing his wanted poster to the posters of his enemies.

He also uses his wanted poster to fish for compliments, especially from his crew. “That’s a pretty good picture, isn’t it?” “I don’t look half bad in that, do I?” “The real reason the marines are hunting me- the sight of my wanted poster makes their wives swoon.”  

Refers to himself as, “that handsome devil.” 

Smells like body odor and weed, but in a Matthew McConaughey kind of way (that is to say, it works for him). 

Animals and babies always like him. He insists the trick is to act uninterested. 

He is genuinely good-natured, but he definitely uses his sense of humor to disguise how terrifying he truly is. Is a pro at lulling people into a false sense of security. Definitely slouches on purpose to seem less intimidating.

Secretly paid off Luffy's "treasure tab" at Makino's bar. Didn't do it just to be kind to the poor kid but actually because he believed Luffy when he said he'd pay it back in full and did it to annoy Luffy a decade or two down the line. (When Luffy finally goes back to pay Makino and she informs him Shanks already did, Luffy blows a gasket.)

———

Hope you enjoyed it! If you want more, you can check out my masterlist here!

[damianbugs]

DEBUNKING SOME COMMON COMIC COMPLAINTS:

the funniest shit ever is when i say "oh hey friend you should give batman comics a try i think you'll like them!" and the response is "no thanks he's a bad dad in those i'll stick to fics." because like... i swear to you on my life Bruce Wayne Ao3 has done worse shit in fics than he ever has in canon.

"oh but you can just filter those tags/ignore those stories—" you can. do the same with comics... this man has been around for decades. do you think every story was exactly the same? not even the SAME writers write him the same way twice. (EXAMPLE: Frank Millers 'Batman Year One' has bruce jump off a bridge to save a baby. Frank Millers 'Batman and Robin All Stars' has bruce feed dick rats.)

"oh but fics are free—" so are comics 🏴‍☠️... unless ur a coward. whoever told you that you have to buy comics to read them or enjoy them is a liar and you should explode them. spending money and collecting is a completely personal (and life altering) decision.

"it's so hard to find specific comics/dynamics/tropes etc" the internet is truly a fantastic place. you can find a reading list or blog for the most niche of characters, so you will have absolutely no problem finding one for the bastard man who appears in every single comic ever published by dc. if not, ask your comic friends and not friends, comic blogs, tiktok comment sections etc. there will be one hyperfixated enthusiast eagerly awaiting the opportunity to give you their extensive guide.

"i just want to read/create my own story with them" you and me both buddy. reading comics doesn't mean you are not allowed to let yourself indulge in completely impossible fanon scenarios that heal or ruin your life. in fact, do you know the inexplicable euphoria that comes with stumbling upon a fic that rewrote a canon event? continued a badly finished comic story? it's life changing. fun to write too!

if you don't want to read comics for whatever reason, fine, literally whatever — but if you want to and certain things are holding you back from doing do, this is for you! who gaf about fandom discourse and "name me three batman comics"-ism, just don't hold yourself back from exploring this media even further! if anything, having a couple comics under your belt makes analysis and discussion far more genuine, and not like your chatting shit from out your ass.

[nazrigar]

Transformers AU: Mentors, Friends and Idols.

Continuing my Transformers AU, featuring some of the people close to Orion and Elita.

Red Alert, Ratchet and Arcee are collectively known as "The Nice Medical Ladies across the Archival building".

They're an entire family unit of gay robots.

Ratchet is by far the oldest, and the matriarch of the family unit. She's also the oldest robot of the same generation as Megatron and Codexa. She may be a grouch, but she is also full of wisdom.

Red Alert is the rapid response medic. Less strict than Ratchet, but tends to be short on conversations outside Medical matters.

Arcee is Ratchet's primary apprentice and basically was taken in as the closest thing she has to a daughter. Diligent and studious, but with an occasional wild side (and surprisingly good hand-to-hand combat skills).

Orion's Pal Wheeljack! Among visitors to the Archives he's one of the most frequent… because he's always "drinks knowledge as one would drink energon". Most of the knowledge he seeks is for his zany experiments range the gammut of harmless to "this can blow up a mountain". Perhaps Orion's most loyal friend, second only to Elita.

The Jetfires of Clan Skyfire: Three generations of robots serving as warriors of the sky as part of the Cybertronian Elite Guard. They're Elita's idols, and an exemplar to all flying robots out there.

Jetfire the Elder is the biggest and the funniest (outside of service). Jetifre is the most professional of the bunch. A knight in battle-tested armor. Jetfire the Younger is the smallest and brashest of the bunch. He has a need 4 speed.

Leader-1 is Elita's flight instructor on the Cybertronian equivalent of weekends, and a local commander of a crack team of air transformers known as "The Guardians" in most days. Inspirational and brimming with self confidence. It's because of her Aerial has the code name of Elita-1!

[antimatterz]

stupid for you !

pairing: dan heng, gepard, luka, sampo x gn!reader

summary: they have the biggest crush on you; how do they act? title inspired by waterparks - stupid for you.

cw: pining, fluff, some humor?

content under the cut | masterlist

dan heng

on first glance, it isn't at all obvious that this guy is into you. it may even look like he doesn'r really care about you, but you know that's far from the truth. it's just his placid demeanor. but march, who has known him for quite a while, clearly sees a difference in the way he acts around you, and doesn't waste a second to share her intel with you.

his solemn gaze of grey wanders to you more often than not, and once his eyes are on you, one could even catch him right up staring at you. discreetly, of course, but march notices. he finds excuses to be near you, even inviting you to join him in the archive room more often. he grows protective over you on trailblaze missions, often stepping between you and potential hazards to shield you from harm. the funniest thing – march's opinion – is how he is sometimes at a loss for words around you, which isn't like him at all. he stammers and falls silent, frustrated because he knows, too, that he's acting out of character and he's afraid that his crush will become obvious. i mean, it doesn't go by unnoticed, march knows. but despite that, he means to talk to you more, which says a lot because he usually remains silent even when conversations arise. he loves to hear your voice, so if he has to initiate conversations to listen to you, he gladly does so.

gepard landau

this guy is so obvious and it's adorable. the always so cool and collected captain of the silvermane guards, suddenly becoming a stuttering and blushy mess whenever a certain person is around? everyone notices, and he knows everyone knows. he tries so hard to hide it but fails miserably.

geppie loves seeing you around, and even though his entire demeanor falters when he finds you approaching him, he quickly scrambles himself together and offers you a cool smile. but the silvermane guards all noticed the switch in their captain. they don't tease him, though; that's serval's job. oh well, as long as he can hide it from you, he's happy. you have this effect on him, his palm turns sweaty and the strong and tough captain suddenly is a lost puppy trailing after you. whenever he knows he's near you, he makes sure to stop by, even when he's supposed to be on patrol. when it's you who's stopping by when he's on duty, his eyes light up adorably, and he has to look away for a second to contain the blush that creeps up his cheeks. gepard is an absolute mess when he has a crush, so you're bound to find out at some point – maybe when serval starts playing cupid?

luka

oh, this guy. always so carefree and optimistic. i swear to the aeons, he probably won't last long until he just straight-up confesses that he has a crush on you. but before he literally tells you so, he makes it quite obvious (deliberately) that he is into you. i won't say he's overly confident or anything, he just doesn't see the point of hiding it. seriously, what good does hiding your feelings bring?

his smile is a little brighter whenever he's around you, and his pretty blue eyes light up cutely. he loves it when you laugh at his jokes, so he cracks a few more – causing his friends to roll their eyes but he doesn't care, he just wants to hear you laugh. his fighting spirit turns up a notch when he's in the ring and he finds you in the crowd, and he might show off just a little to impress you. he likes to talk about you to his buddies, even when they get tired of hearing it (he doesn't care). i can see him as a touchy guy, so one of his ways to wordlessly convey his feelings is by touching you; draping an arm over your shoulders as you joke around together, taking your hand when he wants you to follow him, lightly touching your arm whenever the two of you talk, and so on – all while making sure you're comfortable with it. but as i said, this doesn't last long before he just wings it and confesses.

sampo koski

it's hard to expect when you're dealing with this man, since he's always nice to everyone and tries their best to flatter them – mostly to get something out of it or to get away with something. but when it comes to you, there's a sheen of sincerity in his eyes – which hasn't been seen often before.

aeons, for the ones familiar with sampo, they are so confused by what they see. it's always so obvious the guy is scheming something, sucking up to people because he needs their service or anything like that. but then there's you, and his friendliness suddenly seem a lot more genuine. and believe me, he is being genuine indeed. you've heard the stories about sampo that circulate around belobog, and you aren't too sure whether you fall for his act or not. but again, it's safe, as he's really into you and just shows his best side – but this time without underlying intentions. if any, his confident act is faltering and he gets a little shy/self-aware. you often catch him looking away, scratching the back of his neck as he doesn't know how to act or what to say around you. he is so used to sucking up to people for the wrong purposes, he doesn't quite know how to do this and it's kinda adorable.

[tbbs-best-hair]

What's your funniest memory of sibling rivalry among your teammates?

One time after a mission, Wrecker and Tech got into a heated debate over who was the better shot. Wrecker swore he could hit anything just by "muscle memory," while Tech insisted his aim was superior because of "calculated precision." Naturally, they decided to settle it with a shooting contest.

But here’s the kicker: instead of targets, Crosshair set up tiny, incredibly fast moving droid decoys. Wrecker got frustrated when his blaster kept overheating from rapid-fire, and Tech’s over-reliance on his technology let him down when it couldn't keep up with the decoys’ speed.

That’s when Echo chimed in, saying, “You’re both embarrassing yourselves. Let me show you how an ARC Trooper handles this.” He grabbed a blaster and managed to hit a decent number of targets, looking pretty smug about it. The whole thing ended with Wrecker tossing one of the decoys into a wall and Tech muttering something about "unfair conditions." Crosshair then turned his back to the targets and hit every last one from their reflection on a transparisteel window.

What stands out to me about this interaction was the way that Tech and Wrecker both learned from it, and how that was only really possible when Echo shook things up. Before he joined, the 4 of us were so deeply invested in our individual strengths that we discounted our collective ones.

Wrecker had thought that patience and timing "wasn't his thing" but then realized he always used those when setting up or defusing complicated munitions. Tech had leaned so far into his technical expertise that he ignored the data his brain already got from his eyes. Both became much better shots afterward. Echo's well-rounded expertise often inspires us all to more than we thought ourselves capable of.

[hannahssimblr]

“Si prega di restare in linea. Un membro del nostro staff sarà con lei a breve.” Out the back of the Villa, Friday morning, phone to my ear, just me, and the crackling, classical hold music. 

A woman comes on, terrible English, my Italian worse, and we engage in a stunted back and forth about the accommodation in Sorrento, why it’s too late to cancel. “The day before you arrive…” she’s saying. “It is impossible. You must pay the full amount.” And obviously I don’t want to do that. I want my money back, because I think my girlfriend is on the brink of breaking up with me. Listen, I slept on the couch last night. My neck actually hurts quite a bit, so if you could just give me a refund, that’d actually be so cool. Very much appreciated.

These are my thoughts, not what I say to the nice, hassled woman on the phone. “Okay, thanks so much. See you tomorrow,” I hang up, then go typing things into the internet. Things to do alone, Sorrento. Activities for solo travellers, Sorrento. Best restaurants Sorrento -romantic -couples. Pulling up pictures of the room, trying to decipher how likely it is there’ll be a couch I can sleep on there, or if I’ll just take the floor.

Afternoon sometime, I call home. Facetime, my mother’s iPhone, and she picks up wearing a rollneck jumper. “I’m cold looking at you,” she says. “What temperature is it?”

“Dunno. Twenty-seven or something.”

“All going well?”

“Yeah, it’s great. Is Ivy home?”

“Yes. Seeing as it’s the Easter holiday, she’s home all week.” Emphasis on the words “Easter holiday”, like I’m already aware of the details and intricacies of my sister’s schedule. No, I don’t. Sorry. I actually don’t live there anymore, but share the Google calendar link if you want.

She passes the phone to Ivy, her new braces on, a flash of metal there, to fix the lower crowding and the gap between her central and lateral incisor. Green bands this time. Last time they were red. She likes to switch it up. 

“How’d dad feel about the highlighter green?” I say. “Surprised he even had anything other than medical grade beige and silver in stock.”

“He said it’d make my teeth look rotten from far away. I said ‘good’.”

“Nice. When I had mine, he gave me the clear bands, you know that? Nothing fun allowed.”

“Yeah, and he said yours got stained because of all the Fanta.”

“I was a foul kid. How are you?”

She’s in the kitchen. I can see the garden through the patio doors behind her. The way she slumps onto the settee is hilariously adult, the laboured sigh, the eye roll. “Oh, fine. It’s been busy.”

“Busy? Doing what?”

“I’ve been at Ella’s house a lot. Hanging out. We had a sleepover a few days ago.”

“Uh huh? Any drama?”

“Oh, yeah. We passed around notes that said ‘do you like me?’ and then we had to write yes or no.”

“Wow, great idea.”

“Yes, well. Someone wrote ‘no, we all think you’re annoying’ on Olivia’s.”

“Who?”

“I don’t know. I have my suspicions.”

“What did Olivia do?”

“Nothing, I don’t think. Some people just don’t like her. She was crying and all, then. Got her dad to collect her afterwards, which was good, probably, but then everyone was just going on about it. I said it wasn’t me, so I’m not bitching behind her back.”

“‘Bitching’? You can’t say that word.”

“Oh, well, I can.”

“Mom says that, does she?”

Ivy, cheek on fist, a wry smile. Of course not. She’s trying it out, casually tossing it in to see what she’ll get away with. My sister, a smooth operator. Ten going on twenty-five, apparently. 

“What’s happening for Easter, then?”

“Granny’s house.”

“Exciting.”

“Back to the haunted house.”

I laugh, genuinely, and make her run the highlight reel of her impressions. Granny Hyland when the electricity went out. Granny Hyland when the centre-left election campaigner came to the door. Granny Hyland when a bird shat on dad’s windscreen on the way into town.

She’s the funniest person I know, delivering spot on impersonations with no need to laugh at herself. The better sibling in every conceivable way. 

“Where’s Astrid?” she says. “I want to see her.”

She means it literally, the seeing her thing. They won’t talk, because Astrid never knows what to say, but Ivy likes to look, anyway. There, usually, somewhere in the background curled up on the couch, or in the kitchen, where I’ll walk in, pointing the phone at her and force her into an awkward “hello”. It’s a girl thing, maybe, my sister’s perception of her, the standard of what all little girls want to be when they grow up. “Show me your nails,” Ivy will say, and Astrid will, usually glossy and flawless. “Now your earrings, can I see them?” and then, tucking back her hair, those golden hoops with the leaf. I bought her those for Christmas. 

I see the appeal. Pin straight blonde hair, slim and tall, the Scandinavian slope nose, she might have been factory made. Moulded from the same template used for fashion dolls, the ones Ivy has played with her whole life, and still does. In her room, ten of them hanging out in the bookshelf she emptied to make an apartment. She wants to see one in the flesh. She’d come back on a week later with the same nails, only shorter, the varnish lumpier, and earrings from Claire’s that have already made her lobes green. “Show Astrid my fashion,” she’ll say, and my girlfriend will do her best to smile.  

“She’s out,” I say. 

“Oh, where?”

I don’t know. She’s been gone since this morning, would you believe? I woke up, sore neck after she shunned me to the sofa, and she was gone. I texted her to check in and she didn’t even read the message. God knows, to be honest, Ivy. She’s probably hanging out with these two absolutely bonkers friends she met on a boat last weekend, so much older than her and the weirdest vibe about them you can imagine. You’ll know what I mean when you’re older. Anyway, she’ll be back eventually, and then I’ll get her to show you her nails. They’re pink at the moment. 

“Shopping.” 

“Oh, okay. Buying something cool?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

“Okay. Hope you’re having fun.”

“I am. Lots of photos to show you. I’ll call again soon, okay?”

Beginning // Prev // Next

[thelampisaflashlight]

A Lack of Engagement Pt. 1: Ancient Rite

[Rain learns his actions (rubbing a giant metal dick) have consequences (marriage). The RainDrop series y'all doomed yourselves to in the poll... with some mild tweaking.] Below the cut.

It starts with a rumor among the siblings.

Something Rain isn't ordinarily interested in -rumors, or the siblings to be honest- but with a heatwave keeping them all locked down inside the abbey, and a desire to avoid doomscrolling on his phone, again, for the third day in a row... he'd indulged in a healthy bit of eavesdropping, hoping to hear something juicy, and instead learned of a curious addition to the abbey's art collection.

A giant statue of a penis.

Not the first one in the church's possession, but, according to the siblings -and this is the part that amused Rain the most and nearly drove the ghoul to tears- if you rubbed the head while linking hands with your lover, the devil himself would appear and give his blessing for you to be wed.

Rain thinks it's the funniest shit he's ever heard, or maybe it's just the heat fucking with his better sense of judgement, but it's either grab a friend and give a handjob to a statue or go back to lurking in Swiss' likes on his social media pages playing, "When will I find softcore porn?" and honestly, as much as he likes seeing the multi-ghoul be horny on main, he knows a fiery little demon who would get a kick out of something like this.

He considers texting Dew about the statue, but the idea of missing the look on the hybrid's face when he hears the words, "Giant Dick" is not something he can readily pass up.

Ultimately, it isn't that hard to find him either, Dew stays in one of two places when it's hot as balls outside; The abbey's indoor pool -which Rain knows he can't be in, because EVERYONE is in there right now, and Dew likes it all to himself- or the library.

It's surprising to hear, unless you've met the man himself, but Dew is an avid reader in his downtime.

In fact, in the time that he's resided in the abbey, he's read about a solid third of the books in the library, and has donated quite a few from his own collection over the years.

His room would be overflowing with them if he hadn't purged so many in the last year or so... to make more room for new ones.

Rain is sure it's partly to spite Mountain for having so many plants in their dorm, taking up every available surface that Dew hasn't claimed outright, but neither of them complains when a new fern or book on said fern appears in their room.

They work oddly well together as roommates in that sense.

Their space feels like an even mixture of the both of them, not like when Rain had been stuck rooming with Aether for a year and a half...

If you want to test the strength and boundaries of a friendship, listen to your best friend destroy your shared bathroom after eating two week old meatloaf from the back of the fridge and see how you feel.

Bless him, Aeth's a great guy, Rain loves him like a brother, but goddamn there were times where Rain wanted to throttle him.

You live and you learn.

Stepping through the heavy wooden doors leading into the library -locked in place to avoid another... unfortunate squishing incident- Rain scans the nearly empty room for signs of life, but a cursory perusal of the patrons has him coming up short one white haired, pointed eared devil... which can only mean one thing.

"He's up in the loft." a helpful voice informs him, and when Rain glances over, he sees the librarian sat back in his chair at the front desk, gesturing upwards with his chin for emphasis before returning to his crossword puzzle.

Rain isn't sure whether the man knew he was looking for Dew because of his appearance -having forgone his glamour- or if he simply looked like he wasn't there to study, like the siblings he sees sequestered in a far corner, pouring over a large tome and muttering in tones just above a whisper, but he thanks him anyway and heads for the first set of stairs up to the library's second floor.

There are three tiers to the abbey's library; The first floor, where the siblings of sin attend lectures and study various texts to learn their secrets -or, as he has seen quite a few doing, taking online classes to learn skills that will take them to careers beyond the church-, the second floor where all of the more adult books are kept to avoid any of the young wards of the abbey getting their hands on them, and the third floor, which is barely bigger than your standard storage closet, the loft.

The loft was built well before Rain's time on the surface, and had been meant to be a private office for Sister Imperator, but age and a desire to remain close to the papas had resulted in her room being moved to the first floor instead, and the room itself had fallen into disuse, and thus, when the library underwent a much needed renovation, so, too, did the room upstairs.

That being said, very few of the siblings bother trekking up that far in the library to read, and the narrow, ladder like steps leading up to it are a turn off for most wanting to ascend with an armload of books, but Dew manages it just fine somehow.

Walking with purpose, Rain debates calling up to the ghoul, but remembers that shouting in a library isn't exactly smiled upon, and he can feel the librarian's gaze upon him the moment his mouth opens a bit too quickly.

Thinking better of his initial impulse, Rain instead ascends the ladder and pokes his head up out of the hole in the floor, half expecting to see Dew surrounded by a mountain of books, but what meets his eyes first is, well, Dew's eyes.

He barely contains a yelp as he comes nose to nose with the other ghoul, who's crouched on at the top of the ladder, arms crossed.

"...Hello." he greets, watching Rain compose himself.

"Hi-" Rain starts, "-do you wanna go touch a dick with me?"

"What-"

.

.

.

"-in the merciful fuck is this gorgeous thing doing in a place like this??" Dew cackles, rounding the giant bronze dong, "They sculpted veins and everything! How'd you even find out about this being here, Rainy??"

"The siblings were blabbing about it earlier, and I needed to see it for myself. Had to bring a friend, of course, because apparently it's not just a giant dick-" Rain says, wiggling his fingers, "-it's a magical giant dick, ooo~"

Dew snorts and steps back from the dick, which is, hilariously, just a bit taller than him.

"So what's it do?" he asks, casually leaning on the statue, which stays rooted in place thanks to the flared out base at the bottom, "Aside from looking like some kind of absurdly sized dildo?"

"According to the siblings, if you rub it-" Rain and Dew share a giggle at that, "-if you rub it while holding hands with your lover, Satan himself shows up and, boom, you're married."

"To Satan? Or each other?" Dew questions, seeking clarification, "Also why would the lord of Hell deign to marry two mortals together? It's such a weird concept to begin with, like one of the romance novels I read with the sisters in our book club last year..."

"You're in a book club?" Rain raises an eyebrow, then shakes his head, "Anyway, I just wanted to see if there's any credence to what the siblings were yapping about, and so far it checks out; I mean, I'm standing in front of a giant dick... and a bronze statue of a penis."

"Oi." Dew swats at him halfheartedly, "Jerk."

Rain stretches his arms and cracks his fists dramatically, "I intend to."

"You're an idiot..." the other huffs, sounding almost fond, "So why'd you bring me along?"

"Well, you know it takes two..." Rain smirks, "...and plus, we can find out if it's actually magic or not. You and I aren't a couple though, so it would probably be a net zero in terms of results, but it'd still make for a funny story though, and I know the others would be jealous that we got to the giant dick first..."

"Swiss is gonna be so mad when he finds out we found it before him." Dew agrees, nodding, "Okay, I'll bite."

"You really shouldn't use your teeth for something like this, it's a sensitive area." Rain teases, then extends his hand to Dew, "Wanna rub one out with me?"

Dew scoffs and links his hand with Rain's.

"Sure, why not? Worst case scenario, someone's gonna jump out with a camera and go, 'HA!' so might as well get the show on the road."

Approaching the statue together this time, the pair slaps their free hands down on the head and, with another fit on laughter successfully held in by the virtue of NOT making eye contact with each other -"Don't look at me during." Dew whispers, almost breaking Rain's concentration- ...nothing happens.

"Well, that was kind of lackluster." Rain comments, letting his hand drop down at his side, "I was hoping it would at least, like, glow or something, but-"

"Hear me out." Dew says suddenly, turning to Rain, "What if we... told the dick we're a couple?"

"Huh?"

"Magic and shit is all about intent, yeah? But it's also about respect, sort of." Dew explains, "We're not being serious enough about all of this, so the dick is... being a dick."

"Okay..." Rain draws his mouth into a line and gives the statue a thoughtful look before turning back to Dew, "You wanna try tricking the dick?"

"I want to trick the dick... for science." he says, holding his index finger up like a nerd emphasize his point, "Just to see if it actually works."

Rain sets his hand back on the dick, his other hand still holding onto Dew's, "And if it does work? What then? What do you think magical penis marriage entails?"

"You're the one who asked me to come." Dew points out, placing his hand back on the statue, "You tell me, shark nuts."

A pause.

"Do sharks even have nuts?" he wonders aloud, and Rain smirks, "What?"

"I mean, I do." he says and Dew rolls his eyes, "I thought you would know a lot about sharks seeing as you have that big ass marine biology textbook I gave you for your birthday last year."

"Hey, I do, I-"

Before Dew can finish, the ground begins to shake beneath their feet and the two find themselves clinging to one another to stay upright.

"What the fuck?!" Dew shouts, holding onto Rain for dear life, "Earthquake?!"

Rain stumbles forward, taking Dew with him a few steps before regaining his footing, "It's been a bit since we've had one this intense... We should get under cover before shit starts falling down!"

However, just as the duo is about the slide under a nearby table, the shaking stops and-

"...Uh, Rain, does the dick look... bigger to you?"

Rain makes a face.

"This isn't the time to-Oh my fucking god it is."

Standing nearly twice as tall as it was before, the bronze statue now looks over the both of them, its mighty girth casting a shadow from where it now blocks the light coming in from the windows.

An eerie glow emanates from the tip, which is now leaking... something.

Rain hopes it's just water.

"I think-" Dew starts, than yelps, "Ow!"

"What's wr-Ouch!" Rain winces as the skin around his ring finger begins to burn, strange runes scratching into his flesh, "What the fuck..."

"Thou hast attempted to invoke the ancient rites dishonestly, and are justly punished." a voice as loud as thunder booms, "May these binds remind you daily of your new found commitment... to each other."

And then, before either of them have the time to process what has happened, the ground shakes once more, and the statue... recedes.

Rain stares at the now flaccid statue, at the puddle of mystery liquid on the floor, and the markings on his ring finger.

"...Rain."

"...Yes, Dew?"

"...What the fuck."

.

.

.

In spite of the odd, borderline drug trippy experience with the dick, somehow, some way, the pair manages to put it from their minds by the evening.

The more they try to dwell on it, the hazier and more dreamlike the situation becomes, until it becomes just another nagging feeling that they forgot something important... and then, by midnight, it's as if nothing happened at all.

Rain's memory of overhearing the rumor is replaced with him scrolling on his phone in bed, and Dew's brings him back to the library, to the book he'd left sitting on the beanbag chair he finds himself slouching into now.

Absentmindedly, Rain fidgets with the silver band on his ring finger, plainer than anything he'd buy for himself, but, for some reason, it feels too... special... to want to take it off.

Dew does similarly with the gold band on his own hand, never one to wear jewelry like this, he slides it down his finger and feels a pang of... something... in his chest that makes him slot it back into place, feeling almost guilty for trying to remove it in the first place.

Overall, nothing feels different to either of them, but when Dew goes to his room and is met with a confused, half awake Mountain mumbling something along the lines of, "Did you leave something behind?" he can't help but ask what the tall man means.

"You must really be tired..." Mountain yawns, "You and Rain are in the room across the hall, remember? C'mon, let's get you back to your husband."

"My what now-"

At the same time, Rain finds himself staring at his phone screen, having remembered taking a picture of an interesting bird the day before, he'd wanted to find and edit the photo before posting it online, but now he's...

"Rain!" Dew calls to him in a panic, entering the room and all but slamming the door shut, "Mountain said-"

"-you may now kiss the groom."

Rain's eye twitches as he looks up from the video he'd found, "...Dew?"

"...Yeah, Rain?"

"...What the fuck."

What the fuck indeed.

[qvrcll]

leon kennedy hcs — ᥫ᭡

summary: a collection of leon kennedy headcanons i had procured deep in my notes app :-) can be applied to any version of leon, if i’m being honest.

warnings: nsfw mentioned in orange under the cut, ambiguous fem reader, older leon in some parts, food mentioned

a/n: recently wanted to write up some head-canons for leon as i had for past fandoms i was in, so voila :-) ngl i might make a part 2 !! i always appreciate the comments / rb’s / notes, ty i love you all :-,)

thinking about re2r ! leon who constantly provides you with a lunch before clearing off to work. he thinks its the one, amassable way he could ever amount to the love you’d shed on him — it’s a simple routine to fall into. he’d wake up around the early morning hours, gently peppering your forehead with light kisses before hesitantly peeling his body from yours. then, he’d spend most of the next few successive hours threading a delicious yet cute lunch for you. tomato soup, using cream to make a cat face on the vermillion surface? already packed away. a sandwich with cute hearts decorating the brown of the bread? he’s already prepared two. always making sure you’re well and sewed-up with your lunches for the ongoing day!

i think he’d also love his fair share of physical contact. it would begin in the early stages of dating, when he’d catch you coiled in your seat during the dilatory hours of the evening. you should have been in bed now, instead you’re effecting your incredibly important report, eyes cumbrous with sleep and your body slumped against the hard-wood bench. awkward and tense. so leon walks over, with his hands coasting your collar bones / shoulders / temple / forehead and softly palming it, effectively melting all the stagnant stress like water with a sigh. other times, he loves to cuddle you close — full-blown plastered against him like another layer of skin, limbs tangled with each-other to the point of not knowing where you start and where he ends, hands spun on your neck / thigh to gently massage the area when he feels himself maunder into a bottomless sleep with you corralled in his arms.

he acts like an old man and i will die undefeated on this hill — whenever he picks up from a particularly good nap, he always makes that deep, scratchy sound at the back of his throat, even stretches his limbs as far as they can go and then proceeds to whinge in pain from the pull of his muscles for added effect. squints when you hold up the phone to him, holds it away from his face. he also periodically sends you pictures of cute animals with some overly intent caption like “i’m feeling fabulous today and so should you :)” or something so embarrassingly cute in the most leon way because he thinks they’re the funniest thing in the world. ALSO an adamant advocate for instagram reels I JUST KNOW IT he chuckles loudly and ends up on them for hours.

re2r ! leon definitely got emotional / teared up / cried when you did anything to show him affection. for instance, you’d tell him you made him a playlist and this man ended up listening to it on repeat in bed, woke up with tears on his pillow. he’d also get overly excited when you remember some obscure detail about him that he revealed half-drunk in some bar over clamorous music. maybe he told you how he had a phase where he just listened to linkin park on repeat or how much he loves a certain brand of pasta — when you bring it up, he’s feverishly rubbing his hands against his jeans, eyes swallowed by a want he doesn’t even know is there, nattering again and again the words “wait, you caught that?” with a dopey, fresh grin on his face.

he’s pretty constant about his hair — his barber’s have basically memorised his preferred style / length whenever he visits them. he prefers to get them cut when a gruelling mission nearly cost him his life because he couldn’t reload in time, due to the strands assaulting his eyes. or maybe the summer made him realise its time to nominate a shorter cut. but he gets so psyched whenever you get your hair cut / done. whatever hairstyle / length, cut short in a pixie or a layered look or some goddess locs / knotless, he’s always in awe of you. he discerns your maintenance pattern and gets involved sometimes, maybe lathering oil on your roots when you’re too beat for it, or maybe he massages your head in that upwards, firm motion that has you out in seconds.

if the words “distance makes the heard fonder” ever applies, its to leon! it doesn’t even have to be that great a distance — once he’d worked on a particular operation (a few ways off) that required him to be away from home for merely a week and he’d returned, hunched in your doorway, eyes drooping at not having his human battery there. he always grasps you tight, in a hug so suffocating, to know you’re here, safe, in his arms. other times, after the outbreak, he would be required to be away one too many times for comfort. the d.s.o. was incredibly demanding, so he’d be all the more clingy when he returned, telling you just how much he hates this stupid job and how much he hates the feeling of not being near you. maybe sometimes, when he’s away for god knows how long, he video calls you out of fear of never seeing you again. he’d be instantly relieved by your familiar face lighting up the screen, exclaiming his name in that familiar tone. maybe sometimes, when he’s too spent, he’d feel himself falling for worse desires, palming himself through his pants at the sound of your voice if you’d tease him long enough, liquid and canorous voice emitting from his phone as he pathetically whines at your muffled praises. his eyes nearly fall out when he catches your fingers pressing firmly against your clothed heat, clit pressing against the fabric, wanton moans making it hard to stymie his release. its an unspoken, mutual agreement that the first day back is going to be a wordless detour to the bedroom.

amused when you take an interest in his weapons / holster / work place materials. although he loathes his job and would never give a green light for you to get caught up in this obstructive mess, he does enjoy the feeling of teaching you the bare basics of, for instance, self defence or maybe the correct compartments of a gun. he loves your concentration face, the way your tongue pokes the inside of your cheek or slips out in a “:P” when you’re poking around the metal build of his shot gun or feeling the rough material of his age old holster with such thought. i’m not sure where the thought came from, but if you ever mention wanting to build something (an extra shelf or a nook for clothes) leon operates in the sneakiest ways — when you’re at work, at a friend’s or simply out for long enough for him to attain the request at command. definitely does it without a manual and loves watching you exclaim in surprise when you get back, burying his nose into the crook of your neck, glad he could give you this crack of elation after everything you’ve done for him.

loves buying you gifts when he stops around a store — a plushie, that head scratcher you really reallllyy wanted, maybe even lingerie and cute costumes ;) once, you surprised him by getting a cowboy lingerie piece and this man barrelled into you and onto the bed. he’d been breathless, rubbing circles into your hips as your squirmed, not giving you the swell of pleasure you begged for — “think you can get away with this, huh? teasing me like that. come here,” and the words would die on his tongue as he shifted the skimpy under-piece and licked a long line across your throbbing heat, holding back a laugh when you’d twitch and hitter in his clutches. staying true to the word, you had asked him if you could ride him and he almost flew to the heavens, cooing “of course you can, sweetheart,” amassing the flesh of your bottom in his hands as you fervently rode him, sickly enjoying the way you whined and keened from the way he was brimming you. slotted into one another, breaths locking as one. needless to say, he definitely buys you more outfits which you always remember to accoutre yourself with to show your gratitude :)

© 2023 qvrcll ! do not repost any of my works on any platform.

[oblivionsdream]

Hey @oblivionsdream !

I have 2 questions - bear with me…

As you know, I love your work, but have only just recently started actively engaging with it.

I actually first came across you and your Jester x knight OC’s at least a year or two ago, when a fellow DinLuke shipper tagged it with #dinluke, so it showed up on my feed. If you aren’t into Star Wars and are unfamiliar with it - that’s the romantic pairing between Din Djarin (the Mandalorian) and Luke Skywalker.

For a while, I actually thought that it was a medieval DinLuke au because there are quite a few fanarts exploring that ship in different universes (including ours) and different timelines, etc.

One of the things that lent credence to this idea was the fact that the king looks so much like the Jedi, Quinlan Vos.

The characters do also closely match the personalities that a lot of the fandom have collectively given Din and Luke on tumblr - like Luke actually being a feral mischievous gremlin underneath his serene Jedi facade, and Din actually being the more composed (and often lovingly exasperated) of the two.

It was a surprise when I looked more into it and realised that they are original characters, completely unrelated to DinLuke and Star Wars as a whole.

So I guess I’m just curious what was the inspiration behind the Jingly Menace and his steadfast, taciturn knight? Was it a song or a meme or just watching a medieval show and during a scene with a jester, you had a sudden burst of creative juices like “Eureka! Pretty jester x hot knight!”

Sorry if you’ve already answered this and I’ve just missed it while scrolling through your page.

My other question (this I know has been queried to JM himself but he nervously evaded the question) when JM is shown crying in one of the first pictures you posted of him, what was the actual reason that you had in mind behind it? Was it just simply because his attempts to get the hot mysterious knights attention had thus far been unsuccessful (from his perspective anyway) and he succumbed to a private moment of vulnerability?

Every time I look at it, I’m dying to know!

Anyway, love you! Hope the JM comic is still on the horizon at some point - coz I would buy and read the crap out of it!

Hey there!

I honestly had no idea what DinLuke is though I've seen the tags. My knowledge of Star Wars comes from whatever I have absorbed against my will being online and when my best friend made me watch the prequels a few years ago 😂

So Jester solely came to be because I've loved jesters for many years at this point. I just find them fun but there's never enough content for them out there so I just wanted to make my own oc. I also just love trickster characters- anything fae like or I always adored Loki in Norse mythology so he's very based into those kind of mischievous vibes and humor.

Augustine was purely accidental. I saw some Tumblr post about a knight or maybe it was about a jester and a knight (I no longer remember) so I thought it would be funny to doodle Jester with a random knight being a menace asking him about his big sword. Augustine was never supposed to be a character. But then I just kept coming up with other ideas for Jester and this random knight whose face he never saw and whelp here we are.

Soooo the crying. It was definitely a private moment no one else was supposed to witness. Part of something I find interesting with playing with Jester's character is the idea that sometimes the seemingly happiest and funniest people are also the saddest but they just cover it up with a smile. His backstory before coming to the castle is still something that affects him but also he feels lonely at court. He constantly craves the validation of attention he didnt really get as a kid and is constantly surrounded by people but also he feels very lonely in court. He is in a strange place of being neither noble but also not quite a commoner/servant. Nobility will look down on him and not take him serious because he's just a silly guy but the servants are wary to get too close because of his close relationship with the king and the fact that he technically has a higher status as Court Jester. He is one of Monty's closest confidantes but his own secrets keep him from being fully honest with his king. It's a strange place of feeling alone in the middle of a crowded court where everyone sees his silly jester persona and make up but no one sees beneath it.

I still hope to make a comic! Just trying to find the time to get all my ideas in order. Thanks for liking my silly guys!

[senka-mesecine]

Barnes teasing is totally something we crave 😩😩 why do I think he would go as far as to tease reader during a formal briefing with superior officers?👀

---

Because he would and what's worse, they'd all know about it too.

Like, I figure Barnes has cultivated such a dangerous reputation and on the downlow people are so scared of him even individuals close to him in rank and heck, even his own superiors like Wolfe are just so tense when it comes to him, that if he says something suggestive to you, and I mean outright suggestive, they're all quite likely to just turn a blind eye to it, maybe chuckle nervously, pretend to cough or clear their throat and keep the briefing moving like nothing of consequence was just said or done. The anxieties people have around him is so well ingrained that his comments can be almost crude in their substance but hey, so long as Barnes is as content as Barnes can get and he's fixated on your ass and not theirs, all's right in the world. Ever had that boss or coworker that's such a menace and so weirdly intimidating the collective lets a lot of things they shouldn't slide to avoid displeasing them? Well, that's Barnes. Furthermore, that's Barnes is regards of you.

Like, this is clearly not army etiquette appropriate.

But, still, nobody's really gonna get in between you and him.

Because they almost dread to imagine of consequences of them doing that.

So, yeah, he'll say the darndest things to you on a whim, undress you with his eyes in front of everyone, stare you down while talking to someone else entirely, brush up against you while walking past you in a way that he doesn't even pretend is casual or accidental, blow smoke in your face, might just grab a handful of your ass, could very well touch you under the table if there's a table present and generally act in a way where it is undeniable that you belong to him and that he will cross boundaries with almost no regards to shame. It is the 60's and what the heck is sensitivity training anyway? For a man who is convinced courtrooms as a concept are obsolete to trial crimes conducted during times of war in the jungle, Barnes sure as heck wouldn't believe in what we would consider harassment today. He'll be snide. He'll snark. He'll go to any various lengths of subtlety and bluntness in regards of you in a heartbeat. And everyone witnessing it is just going to be as stiff as a board as it all unfolds because Barnes is not a guy they'd wanna piss off by intervening. In fact, in a feeble attempt to maintain decorum and keep hold of an authority he doesn't possess, I envision long-suffering Wolfe running up to Barnes after a briefing where he was particularly flirtatious with you purely to try and warn him that if Captain Harris attends the sit down next time, the Sergeant might want to hold back on being so...amorous, a smug Barnes might just pretend he hasn't got the slightest clue what Wolfe is on about, wholly and entirely poker faced about teasing you as well as about being ''''confronted about it'''', not that he takes anyone's attempts to try seriously anyway.

-"Sir."-

Barnes might just nod in a reaffirming, clipped fashion, amused in a way that he probably wouldn't be if he just heard the funniest joke ever told being shared with him.

[nomsfaultau]

Sorry for the long question ;-;

Would fae!Phil and fault!Phil get along? They technically both have a group of Collected, except fault!Phil had the patience(?) to wait for his Collected to warm up to him while fae!Phil uhhh kidnapped Tommy and stuff

Along with the fact that fae!Phil is from the Winter Court, in contrast to fault!Phil who is the embodiment of fire if I remember correctly

Actually how would the rest of the fault crew react to the fae crew? Knowing that fae!Wilbur and fae!Techno used to be human, but were replaced part by part until they turned unrecognizable...and that uh fae!Tommy is on that track too

Along with the different power dynamics in their universes between non humans and humans, whilst the Fault Universe has an organisation dedicated to containing them and most are generally hunted and constantly on the run, in the Fae universe while they are still ostracized, humans can't really do much about it, heck the Fae have their own realm and territory kdkdjdjsj

SCPhil thinks Faelza is a menace and abhors him for the constant consent violations, trying to force his Collected into being something they don’t want to be, and active child endangerment like holy muffin the child endangerment. Plus I don’t think SCPhilza necessarily goes immediately for instant Collection? Prefers to get to know someone over months/years before making that decision because well it’s a life long commitment. (Tubbo is. A big asterisk on all this for multiple reasons but they’re an exception). Meanwhile Faelza glances at Tomfae and is like yeah I can kidnap that kid. So polar opposites there. Plus Faelza is extremely bound by fae rules (hospitality, counting rice, politeness, children protection magic, not lying, saying his please and thank yous or whatever), whereas SCPhilza adheres exclusively to protect xyz and abide by their boundaries. Plus the winter vs fire alignment as you point out. Honestly diametrically opposed on the Philza sliding scale. Like technically they both choose to spend immortality picking up funky mortals, but SCPhilza isn’t like a full blown cartoon villain so it shakes out pretty different. Also I’m not entirely sure who would win in a fight? Like obviously SCPhilza can go dragon mode and regen like crazy, but also his power set is fairly defined whereas Faelza has an extremely broad and nebulous power set plus can straight up control time?? So like very hard to say. Plus he’s a 2 for one special and Lady Death might have something to say if someone tried to kill him. 

The Blade is not flattered by the ‘woe im becoming a monster’ thing. Or the uncle thing, miss him with that found family crap. Can relate to Fakenoblade (nickname from fae!Tommy) fighting like hell for a kid he barely knows. Likely compare notes on the souls vs the voices, and the souls are probably more useful. Compare cape hammer space vs fluffy mane that’s so big, it’s full of secrets. The Blade wins obviously except if not for the guaranteed win I think Fakenoblade again has a very undefined bs power set where he can just pull out enchanted weapons from nowhere or chuck a grown deer at someone. Honestly power scaling is a nightmare bc Lord what fools these mortals be runs purely on what is funniest/most horrifying in a given second. 

Scpilbur thinks Nilbur (again as per Tommy) is a threat due to his charmspeak. Fairly similar to the void as far as names, bargains, manipulation goes. Nilbur probably immediately tries to learn its name, probably on impulse. Scpilbur maybe convinces Nilbur to chill since humanity isn’t that big a loss? Kinda applauds the ambition even. Will deffo help scheme against Lady Death, they bond over it even if Nilbur acts superior for all his knowledge of the Courts. Scpilbur would win in a fight BUT Nilbur would never let it get to a fight. 

Anomaltommy would clock that Lady Death is manipulating Tomfae. However. He doesn’t care as long as their affection so it would be debatable if he would even properly help stop a baby from being manipulated. Like he might be down to be kidnapped by an overly loving if dangerous couple. Man he’s desperate. Anomaltommy is shown to be awkward around kids but can connect to them. So I think he could position himself as the cool alternative to the freaky monster everyone else. And Tomfae is good at not touching him since whenever he tries his spidey sense kicks in and stops it. Anomaltommy would win but he’s not in the business of beating up children.

Red would work on the King and Queen of the Winter Court. The death toll would be catastrophic. Then they’d be like ‘oh cool to avoid that problem we’ve coated your skin in a pocket dimension so that no one can touch you so now your power isn’t a problem :)) making everyone far far worse which is really on brand. 

Within the Fae court, Fault crew wouldn’t stand out in the slightest. Well aside from being fresh meat. Wilbur, Philza, and Tubbo could do okay to well, but Tommy and The Blade are pretty screwed. As for the human realm, fae stuff is ostracized and is likely to be run out eventually, but also that’s because fae loose power the longer they’re in the mortal realm. Fault crew don’t have that and could get along somewhat well there. Human Fae relationship are tense, but they do also do things like say petition with the Courts or make bargains for power and wealth or what have you, so humans also view the anomalies as having potential for being beneficial in some way. Plus can’t really do anything about it tbh. 

[mamadarama]

it's honestly one of my favorite things that Mika just collects all his weirdos. Shu, Mayoi, Ritsu just to name a few. he just attracts strange people. queer, even (slaps knee)

YEAH he also sorta just attracts them. birds of a feather and all that . statistically thats unavoidable tho cuz the only options in es are either accept that all your friends will be weirdos or accept that you will have no friends. because everyone in es is a weirdo. hard not to attract them when theyre everywhere . AAAANYWAYS one of my favorites is his relationship with madara (shocker i know) i love how they keep running into each other and madara keeps trying to be friendly with him . cuz mika doesnt rlly feel threatened by madara but every interaction he has with him seems to leave him with more questions than answers so he just gets more and more confused every time he sees him . even after being in babarrier together he has no clue what to make of madara . its like putting two completely different animals that could never meet in the wild in the same room and they both just sit there because they have no instinctual instructions about the situation and cant tell if the other is a predator or prey or what . its so good by far the funniest reaction anyones ever had to meeting madara

[panelshowsource]

i feel like i'm so annoying being like JOE WILKINSON ROISIN CONATY but please understand i say it because it would be guaranteed hilarious 🥹

but okay okay let's think

first i think it would be funny to have some of the well-known bonafide smartypantses on, like jo brand, david and victoria, charlie brooker, clive anderson, richard osman, dara, and john oliver, because it's just funny as heck to see them get tripped up or stumped hehe and you may be thinking "what about stephen fry and sandi toksvig?" THERE IS NO STUMPING THEM. EVER. AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT.

there are lots of other lowkey smartypantses who would be so funny — paul foot, armando iannucci, adam buxton, elis james, lee mack, rhod gilbert, bill bailey, miles jupp, wild card suggestion is darragh from the chase he cracks me up. now, random people smartypants and otherwise i think would kill the format hmmm okay besides joe and roisin who mean everything to me, guz khan, lucy beaumont, prof. hannah fry, ed gamble, chloe petts, mel giedroyc, vic reeves, claudia, matt forde? could be quite funny actually and i think guy would laugh at him a lot?, ahir shah, jess hynes, nish kumar, judi love, johnny vegas, jamie laing, jessica knappett, sara barron, kerry godliman, fatiha el-ghorri, ivo graham, get william hanson on there why not

🚨 danny dyer, susie dent, catherine tate, alan carr 🚨 HANDS DOWN!!!

don't you think this format would be perfect for chris addison to come back into our panel show lives

and omg mark watson because remember when guy was having a lil go at him 😭😭😭💀💀💀

CUZ THAT IS VERY IMPORTANT guy is the host and he needs to think the guests are funny... hmm who would have a hilarious dynamic with guy...well...everyone😁 guy is the best😁

it makes sense, too, that some of the funniest dynamics on a format like cats does countdown would work on guy mont spelling bee, since it's all about being a lil smarty — so russell howard and roisin on the same panel would be great because she does her best and he takes the piss out of her. people who take the piss out of each other...hmm...fatiha el-ghorri and phil wang lmfao...alan carr and romesh one of my underrated faves...frankie boyle and miles jupp would be so good omg

I SHOULD STOP NOW hehehe sorry for the block of text i answered this stream of consciousness i hope you don't mind heheheheh

what about you??

aww what a cute question 🥰 honestly i do associate it with autumn because it often comes out in september/october (so i think of it as part of the fall tv schedule)! but, really, i associate different series with different seasons? like i think of s7 as being winter time because kerry made that big circle in the snow hahaha that kind of thing! it wouldn't surprise me if a lot of people think of taskmaster + summer tho?

omg i love map men they're so funny

thanks for taking the time to send in these other recs i'll check them out 🥹🫶 posting these for everyone else to enjoy too!!!

i haven't seen either yet!!! how are they? they're both on my drive waiting for me to watch them 🥹 i might watch ahir's tonight

sorry anon i don't, only the epub version is easily available 😞 maybe someone reading this will be able to help out?

someone sent it over!! i added it to the drive :)<3

hello anon yes! i threw it in the alex horne collection folder here it is :)

hello! you're not the first person to ask me this but i really don't think you can! as far as i know there is no proshot, it was never streamed in cinemas, never streamed online... someone can correct me if i'm wrong but :(

i think we just missed seeing it at the actual theatre (▱˘︹˘▱)

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PANEL SHOW WATCH LINKS / NON-PANEL SHOW WATCH LINKS FAQ / TAGS / ASK

[ponchusjbonchus]

i finished hazbin hotel so here is my master collection of all my silly notes

episode 1  

- treat angel dust better and give him actual lines and it’ll be better

- why do the background demons have more variety than the main cast 

- opening number is good 

- when will jesus appear 

- cannibal town is where i wanna live 

- i should keep a swear counter for this 

- charlie is the best character 

- adam shaving down a chicken bone in one bite is really funny 

- i like adam his voice actor is doing really good 

-  all the voice actors are really good. except keith david poor guy

- angel dust sexually harassing husk is not funny

- if adam is a human who sins then why is he in charge of the angel exterminators 

- nifftys commercial bit is funny

- alastors monocle  is on  his mouth in some shots and it’s funny 

- i like the foreshadowing of alastor hating tv 

- lutes design. heart emoji 

- adams song goes hard as fuck. very likeable villain 

- “fuck you i do what i want” contract made me giggle 

- i feel like all the main characters except for charlie and alastor are really one note and it bugs me 

- katie killjoy is still awesome 

- the cliffhanger is really intriguing and i will watch more

final score 8/10 despite the bad dialogue for angel 

episode 2 

intro song is good but the visuals are boring 

what is this cat. who

why is the animation worse in this episode 

paused to read valentino’s texts and the way he sways from calling angel a bitch to calling him babe and being like “don’t be like this” that is like.yeah that’s accurate 

foreshadowing is good 

JESUS APPEARED (sir pentious)

“trust us with your money” 😭

not really resonating with any characters. vox has the best character design so far though 

velvette is really entertaining 

valentino’s voice actor is good and his jokes are somehow better than angels. still a horrible person and i hope he gets exterminated

vox is really interesting and the thing his voice does is cool . i REALLLY wanna like this guy but so far i like adam better 

second time seven years has been mentioned . what happened 

WHILE HE HID IN RADIO WE PIVOTED TO VIDEO NOW HIS MEDIUM IS GETTING BLOODY RARE 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️vivienne be damned but the girl can write a song 

alastor fucking with vox after seeing him for seemingly no reason is really funny and in character . though funny it doesn’t really fit into the episode that smoothly 

hell being shaped like a pentagram is creative (side note when i looked up the name for it cuz i couldn’t remember the third result was ���what is the star thing called”)

alastors angry demon design looks better than his regular design 

i love sir pentious so much he’s so cute

pentious and charlie are my favorites so far. i know pentious is a double agent but knowing him from the pilot/what we’ve seen in this episode i feel like he’s gonna be dumped by the vees cuz he’s a pathetic wet slop of a man 

the crackhead play joke is really funny 

angel dusts jealousy came out of.Nowhere. like i know charlie was saying like “hey you aren’t really a real resident” and he was mad about the game but it felt more like “ugh i can’t stand these people” not “ugh i wish i could be redeemed and people cared about me.” it was hinted at just not very well 

angel being lovebombed is portrayed.Fine.ly   like it’s realistic but not outstanding . it would mean more if valentino wasn’t making lighthearted jokes about how he kills and manipulates his workers 

pentious’ tail is randomly shrinking and growing 

the camera work in the fight scene is Awful 

pentious :-( 

first time in a while i have heard a show say you should kill yourself NOW 

imagine pentious immediately goes to heaven after the song /silly

final score 8/10 only because of pentious. overall episode is 7/10

episode 3 

pentious still being peak right off the bat. he gets the funniest jokes

alastor still isn’t very funny 

angel dust isn’t funny booooooo boooooooooo

vaggie centric episode? i think? idk i don’t like vaggie she’s kinda boring 

niffty is less funny than she was in previous episodes. she feels more remnant of internet “dark humor” from the time the pilot released 

okay i ended up watching the rest of this one during gym class so i didn’t have my notes. overall this episode was really good except for velvette kinda sucking . 7/10 

episode 4 

this isn’t the poison episode is it.

animation is noticeably worse

vaggies plain ass delivery of the “angel. what the fuck” line made me laugh

i thought the cold open of angel getting r worded would be a way of showing that his life is really fucked up.though it was just a joke bit which i was not expecting

pentious cowering in fear at pornography 

i really like charlie. kk said that she was one note and .i kinda agree but i still love her 

this one demon has a better design then the entire main cast 

angels real name is anthony 😭

okay the dressing room scene . the fear in angels voice through all of it is so jarring and it keeps you invested in the scene and Val being so fuckinh disgusting and evil . how do people like this guy at all. this scene is so creepy not just cuz of val being abusive but because of how horrified Angel is and the moment he asks the bare minimum of val not hurting charlie his life is put on the line. i feel like this was treated with the weight it deserves and it clearly paints val as a villain. unfortunately it’s tainted by the fact that the writers are aroused by this shit but they do a good job of hiding it i guess. maybe this will change 

it bothers me so much that angels head keeps randomly changing in size cuz all the animation is freehand

poison. im gonna be careful and respectful on how i go about talking about this . i actually really like this song and sequence but it’s brought down so bad and made so beyond creepy and horrifying to know that the writers are into this. i like the constant parallel of angel being his porn actor persona who loves sex and his abused reality where he wants to be free. and the scene where he’s dancing in front of a screen with the foxes intercut with his assault is really uncomfortable yeah but i like how it shows that he’s turning his own abuse and exploitation into entertainment . and the line “it’s so hard to resist another gulp!” or however it goes has a nice double meaning . it’s like “ughhh i love sex how could i resist it” but also “i want to resist but im so deep into this that i can’t” . i am not a sexual assault survivor so i don’t feel properly equipped to go into depth about the representation of angels ongoing abuse but from a PURELYcinematic standpoint as someone with a passion for this stuff i feel like this song did well, but again it’s made so much worse and creepier knowing the writers who made this 

the spots under angels eyes are more eyes??.huh

sorry for the lack of notes i am just. genuinely invested in this 

BEST SONG 💥💥💥yeah maybe i knew all the words to this song before i ever watched th show what are you gonna do about it

ohhi don’t really. like the message of that song actually 🙁 it has been established that angel dusts pervertedness and desperation for drugs is not who he really is nor who he likes to be but husk telling him “hey it’s okay to be like that” and angel immediately coming around to it just feels.ehhh…..it feels like he’s taking one step forward and two steps back . i get that the message was supposed to be “embrace the bad parts of yourself! it’s okay to be a loser!” but in the context of the episode it doesn’t fit. good song in a vacuum

iiiidont really know how to feel about this. the episode was great up until loser baby which,is a song that i really like but it kinda does kill the whole episode imo. 5.5/10 unfortunate 

episode 5 

halfway through the series who cheered

adam mention. win (adam and pentious are my favorites )

i hate niffty im sorry 💔 she was better in the pilot

dude. lucifer is so fucking funny right off the bat i love this guy 

is this guy autistic he feels autistic i like him

lucifer is peak character oh my god

why is??? alastor trying to fight lucifer for charlies dad figure??? i don’t understand this guy he just does shit

this is the character norm called out for being a jewish stereotype. and god i can see it jesus 

i love and hate mimzy. she’s ehh

okay nevermind i do kinda get alastors jealousy

i cannot express how good a character lucifer is. he is the funniest part of this show so far by a LOOOONG shot 

pentious does not know what a siege is apparently. honestly fitting 

mimzy served zero purpose dawg i hope this was just an intro and she comes back at some point 

baby charlie ❤️ 

meaning-wise more than anything is the best song we’ve gotten thus far. through the episode i didnt rlly understand lucifer i just thought he was funny but now i get it! and i love it 

this episode was okay. alastor and mimzy take up way too much screen time for barely anything to happen but lucifer was an awesome character and i love him a lot . unfortunately he can’t save this episode though 6/10

episode 5

this yuri tastes like chicken salad but not the good kind 

i despise cherri 

praying that pentious has a role in this one 

white man jumpscare THATS SUPPOSED RO HE SAINY BETER

the seraphims look sick as hell

emmy and charlie have more chemistry than charlie and vaggie im losing it 

why do the angels look exactly like the demons 

saint peter is .Stupid?????

ADAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!ADAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!JOY

charlie should be in heaven. she doesn’t deserve being in hell

vaggie backstory! hooray this is actually sick as hell 

how did charlie not know that vaggie was a fallen angel if she saw her in uniform ?? wouldn’t she recognize that “hey that’s the outfit angels wear” 

adam is a bitch and i love him so much 

karen joke (awful)

websters dictionary joke (not as awful)

adam struggling to think of words so he writes them down,,,,god i love him so much i know he’s a bad guy and a bad person and a bad. he’s just bad all around but i don’t care i love him so dearly he’s my favorite character i think 

niffty is better in this episode 

WATERBOARDINH 😭😭

emily i love 

“fuck yes!!!” oug or character 

i want pentious to get into heaven. please 

angel being a good father 

the delivery of “hey……….i see the club has a sex room…………” is fucking hilarious and i laughed out loud 

i have laughed more at this episode than i have the entire series pentious is so funny 

valentino. gross

angel standing up to valentino is really nice 

why doesn’t emily have a nose 

why are we having a deep song with emily as soon as we meet her???? i mean it’s technically not her song or sera’s but like. we JUST met them it doesn’t rlly make sense for them to have this big number 

yeah it’s really bothering me that emily has this big number. we barely know these people and they’re treating it like we’ve known her forever WHO IS THIS GIRL

if hell is forever then heaven must be a lie 💥💥

I CANT THID RUCKING FACE 

i hate this episode a lot more the writing is worse 

okay. the writing is noticeably worse than the rest of the series in this episode the pacing is completely fucked. at least we get some adam content and vaggie lore but vaggie isn’t rlly a character i enjoy. however the humor is peak in this episode and pentious really carries it with his running bit. he can’t save much of the episode sadly. 4.5/10 

episode 7

the more i watch the intro i really don’t like it . it’s so boring 

pentious petting keykey 

i dont like alastor  bad character bad character whenever he’s on screen i want to kick something 

cannibal town ‼️‼️

awwwwwi love rosie. she’s like mimzy but better and more likeable 

i wanna make a cannibal oc. if i were in this version of hell i would wanna be a cannibal. this whole area makes me happy 

rosie didn’t swear ONCE in her opening scene im so proud of the writers 

i really like carmilla’s design and her stupid nsr hands 

if helluva boss is in the same universe as this one then why don’t they go through extermination ??? or is that like. an au

rosie is so cute i love her so much. 

susan is such an underwhelming name that’s so funny 

this episode is much better 

i know that this show doesn’t have the best writing but it’s honestly just a fun watch

out for love is the best number we’ve had so far 

carmilla walks around in steel ballet shoes all the time i gotta respect the woman 

rosie’s first swear came 2/3rds into the episode. new record 

i relate to charlie 

I LOVE ROSIE.SO MUCH uuhg$hd,s

charlie’s song is really nice 

the cannibals are the best part of the show. easily 

SHE GOT SUSAN 🔥🔥

vaggie getting her wings back . i love 

this is easily the best episode so far. both musical numbers were great and vaggie and charlie being apart and their stories being intercut only for them to come together at the end was amazing. cannibal town is absolutely amazing and perfect and there was a noticeably less amount of swearing. 9/10, praying that  the finale is this good too 

episode 8 (finale)

is this technically just a part 2 to episode 7 

PENTIOUS DRESSED LIKE A GENERAL.AW

i love vox he’s so goofy . i wish he appeared more 

charlie’s message is really nice i love her a lot but it was kinda ruined by niffty

cherri makes everything worse 

angel dust’s development is nice 

pentious being forced into a hetero love with cherri,,,blehh this is the most aroace guy ive ever seen 

mini more than anything reprise with charlie and vaggie is really sweet . 

ADAM 💥💥💥SICK ASS NEW OUTFIT BRO 

adam is still the best character in this show. “chill lute fuck” i adore alex brightman 

the battle outfits are cool 

alastor finally doing something helpful 

gyat DAMN adam. awooga 

vox’s stupid dance 

alastor saying nuh uh to the person trying to murder him is funny

i don’t want to kin adam but i Do. i Do he’s Awesome

while it interrupts the action vox watching and cheering as alastor nearly dies is super funny 

okay Actually dies then

i am enjoying this so much 

SIR PENTIOUS CLUTCH 💥💥

adam is the best character in the whole fuckinh show him oneshotting pentious is hilarious . i know he goes to heaven and doesn’t rlly die i think 

what happened to the angels fighting with reckless abandon??vaggie is getting her shit rocked

GET FUCKED LUTE

ewww adam is a white guy.ew put the mask back on 

lucifer and adam interaction this is just peak

why aren’t the angels going after the rest of hell once they realize that they’re screwed 

adam without the mask is fugly

HE .HE DIES ??WHAY YHE FUCK

the hotel:(

“the ultimate sacrifice” i love pentious a lot but HE DIDNT DO SHIT BRO 😭

i choose to believe that lilith divorced lucifer because lucifer was a gay man and she was a lesbian

why is cherri a main character now i dony. ew

alastor is alive ! boo

bro thinks he’s jack skeleton 

husk being mad when he sees that alastor is alive is funny 

WHAT THE FUCK 

VOX GET A JOB. STAY AWAY FROM HIM

sir pentious gets into heaven :) thaht makes me happy 

season finale! this was a phenomenal episode to end of a good series, though ill be real i don’t know if having a second season is a good idea. most if not all of the conflicts are resolved among the main cast. ending it off with pentious getting into heaven is amazing though. episode is a 9/10 it was funny and engaging and really fun all around.

overall score for the series is a 7.5/10 i really enjoyed it